Out with the old, in with the new! Here are some of my favorites from 2024 and some from years prior. The questions and answers have been condensed so more could be included. Happy 2025!

Q: A sense of fairness: I am curious about one of your columns where a sister seemed distraught that her brother’s IRA would not be going “to the right beneficiary.” It sounded like it was very disturbing to her although she was not his beneficiary in any way. You have written that an inheritance is a gift, not an expectation, so I wonder why so many people get upset when they are left out of an inheritance? I say, just move on.

A: I believe that when we loved someone and know they saved and planned to see their estates be distributed in a certain way, to see those plans not being honored can be extremely upsetting. In fact, it can be devastating and heartbreaking to family or friends. We recognize that something went wrong with “the system” and it is unfair.

A sense of fairness lives in most mammals. A study done by primatologist Frans de Waal shows humans are not the only ones upset when they perceive unfairness. De Waal taught a capuchin monkey to hand over a pebble in exchange for a cucumber slice. Once the “lesson” was learned, De Waal then gave a second monkey a grape — a much more loved treat — in exchange for a pebble. The grape exchange took place in sight of the original cucumber monkey. The researcher then returned to the first monkey and, when he rewarded the monkey with the usual cucumber slice, the monkey screeched and threw the cucumber at de Waal. The monkey also refused to do further “work.”

I know firsthand that our horses have an extreme sense of fairness — or is it entitlement? My old mare has been with us the longest of all our horses and believes that when it comes to grooming, she should go first. If, instead, I take one of the “newer” geldings out to groom first, she snorts and turns her rump to me.

So, yes, if we see that another’s plans are not being honored or appear unjust, it can erode our faith that our plans will be fairly adhered to. As well, it should.

Q: Never commit your inheritance until it is in hand: I am inheriting from my sister’s trust and my uncle is the trustee. He told us that we would be getting our money this month. I made an offer to buy property based on that promise and now he says we won’t get our money for months! Because of his promise to give me the money this month and this delay, I will lose the deposit I made on the property and also lose the property. Can I sue him? I am so outraged!

A: A beneficiary of a trust should never enter a binding contract in the hope they will receive trust monies at a certain time. You should not have signed a purchase agreement until the funds were in your account. I am guessing your uncle did not “promise” you the money this month and, if he did, he should not have made such a promise.

Trust administration can go very smoothly but a myriad of delays can cause distribution to beneficiaries to be delayed. This is why I always advise would be beneficiaries not to commit their inherited funds until those funds are in hand.

Q: Missing Cremains: I have one that I bet you haven’t heard before. Mom died nine years ago and, at her request, she was cremated. For some reason, Mom’s remains were sent to my aunt. To this date, my aunt refuses to give me her ashes or scatter them in the bay, as mom wanted. My aunt has blocked my calls and, when I see her at family gatherings, she avoids me like the plague! Why did the cremains go to my aunt and what can I do about my aunt’s lack of action about scattering them?

A: Being in the business for over 30 years, I have pretty much heard it all and, unfortunately, keeping cremains “hostage” is not that uncommon. Immoral and mean, yes, but not unheard of. So, let us first clear up who has authority over the cremains. When someone dies, the person who is named as the agent in the decedent’s Advance Health Care Directive has authority to work with the funeral home, obtain death certificates and direct what happens to the body. If the decedent did not have an AHCD, then “next-of-kin” can direct what happens. It sounds like your aunt was in the position to direct and it sounds like she did part of her job. However, she has failed to complete what Mom wanted done with her cremains. It is time to call a lawyer.

Liza Horvath has over 30 years of experience in the estate planning and trust fields and is the president of Monterey Trust Management, a financial and trust Management Company. This is not intended to be legal or tax advice. If you have questions call (831) 646-5262 or email liza@montereytrust.com