Dear Eric >> I’m a woman in a new relationship with a fabulous man who doesn’t seem to understand an issue I’ve brought to his attention. I noted recently that when he checks out other women in front of me, I feel disrespected. He listened and said he understood completely.

I didn’t have the courage to take it a step further, which is ridiculous given my age (58) and the fact that this “problem” will likely lead to the end of our relationship. He very often engages with the most-attractive woman in his vicinity, often his own daughter’s age, in a very friendly manner.

He doesn’t interact with any males this way, and I’ve certainly noticed his increased engagement with younger women. There’s a line between simply friendly and overly friendly, especially when there’s a pattern that seems to show a preference for attractive and younger women.

I feel like we punish people, especially women, who bring this up in a relationship and everyone is quick to deem the accuser as controlling, insecure and jealous. The root of my frustration is that I feel like I could be wrong and I’m paying more attention to his interactions with younger women.

— Uncertain

Dear Uncertain >> Even if he feels his flirtations are innocuous, when witnessing them you feel less valued. That’s a vulnerable space to be in. It’s not ridiculous that it’s hard to fully articulate, so please be kind to yourself.

Feeling insecure is not a fault. Often, it’s a warning sign for an unmet emotional or psychological need. Perhaps for you that need is to feel truly seen, appreciated and admired by your partner. So, part of this is a growing edge in your relationship.

He said he understood the issue when you brought it up, but did he find ways of modifying his behavior or its impact? That’s a part of the conversation you should revisit.

Some of this is about the other women, but an equal part is the energy and attention he’s pouring into you. If you’re not feeling love in the way you want to feel love, it’s not controlling for you to advocate for that. As this is a new relationship, you’re still learning about each other. Being able to communicate needs and boundaries, and to honor them in our partners, is a core building block of successful love relationships.

Now, I’m not certain from your letter if his flirting is lecherous. If it is, you’ll want to re-evaluate whether this “fabulous” man is the right person for you.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.