Did you learn everything you needed to know in kindergarten? I sure hope not!

If you learned everything you needed to know at 5 years old, you wouldn’t, in all likelihood, be reading this piece, holding a job or surviving the varying travails and twists of adult relationships.

In 1986, when Robert Fulghum first published his bestselling and much-praised book titled “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” I was one of the millions of people who read it and essentially agreed that he was right — that most or all of life’s most important learning comes early in life. Over my 70-plus years, I’ve come to realize that I was mistaken and so was he.

He was focused, of course, on what he felt were essential values and basic life rules of different types. I’ve no issue with what was included, but the book implies that lessons learnt later in life are not as significant to an individual as the lessons they learned about being a good person during their first year of school.

Fulghum’s homily-like simple notions include things like “always love thy neighbor and pick a good neighborhood to live in”; “the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but you better bet that way;” and “about playing the game — play to win!” It’s hard to argue with any of these or the plethora of other oversimplifications that made the author oft quoted, wealthy and famous.

For better or for worse, these are complex lessons that simply cannot be learned, understood or appreciated, let alone integrated and available for use, by a kindergartener. These are the lessons of adult life that might be included in a sequel called something like “Most of the Things I Needed to Know About Life, I Learned Before I Died.” Learning is a lifelong experience and that includes the more functional learning about human frailties, relationship realities and life circumstances.

Some things learned later on in life that are just as important are:

• Evil does exist in the world. Everyone who you feel is your friend isn’t.

• Good things do not always come to good people, at least not in any immediate or predictable time frame.

• People are imperfect. To expect otherwise is to be certainly disappointed.• Relationships are complex and ever-changing, as are we all.

• Sometimes, the smart bet is on the predicted loser — this occurs in sports, friendships, jobs and in the stock market.

• Love can hurt — a lot.

• When a person wants to take your hand, be wary of where they want to lead you.

• Sometimes, the more cautious actually finish last. Slow and sure is an imperfect notion.

• Respectful assertiveness works a lot better than anger-driven aggression in getting what you want.

• You will always be your mother’s child — no matter how old you live to be.

• When your second parent dies, you’re an orphan. Your own age does not insulate you from the feelings that accompany that experience.

• Having fun at the expense of others is not fun for them.

• Sarcasm is not humor.

• “Play” is the recreation of adults, but is the “work” of children.

• Love and trust those who earn your love and trust — not by what they say, but by what they do.

This list could be endless and will be different for everyone who considers it. We have all continued to learn things in our post-kindergarten lives and those things are no less important than the early learning that Fulghum muses about in his book.

Life is either continual learning or developmental inflexibility. The first is the real value. The second is the risk of thinking that at any point in life we know all that we need to know.

San Anselmo resident David Reinstein is a retired licensed clinical social worker. IJ readers are invited to share their stories of love, dating, parenting, marriage, friendship and other experiences for our How It Is column, which runs Tuesdays in the Lifestyles section. All stories must not have been published in part or in its entirety previously. Send your stories of no more than 600 words to lifestyles@marinij.com. Please write How It Is in the subject line. The IJ reserves the right to edit them for publication. Please include your full name, address and a daytime phone number.