Dear Eric >> My spouse and I are an older couple with some family members who live in the same town as us and some family who live out of state.

The families who live near us only invite us to functions where a gift is needed, such as weddings and birthdays, etc.

We feel very sad about this since we spend many holidays alone. May I add that my spouse and I are pleasant people and so are they, but they never reach out to us except when they send an invitation for a function. We are perplexed by this. What can we do?

— Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken >> It might seem bold, but you may have to invite yourself to a holiday dinner. Sometimes, even those who love us and want to be around us don’t think of us as much as we’d like. This is normal; everyone is the star of their own show. So, it’s helpful to reach out and let people know when we have a need or a want.

Your family could assume that you already have holiday plans or that you’re happy to spend holidays solo. Try not to ascribe a pattern to the invitations you’re getting. Yes, they all involve gifts, but weddings and birthdays fall into the “celebration” category of event. One throws a party; one invites a big group to celebrate en masse. Holidays can fall into this category, too. But more often they fall into the “tradition” category. By letting your family know that you’d like to be invited, you give them — and yourselves — a chance to make a new tradition.

Dear Eric >> Regarding “Socially Perplexed”, the couple who always initiated plans with friends but didn’t receive invites from said friends, perhaps the other couples are introverts. My wife and I have become introverts and don’t initiate much anymore because we don’t have the need to socialize, and our lives are full and busy and stressful. However, when we receive an invitation, we think, “oh, that would be nice” and say yes.

— Happy Guest

Dear Guest >> This is a helpful perspective and could also be of use to the letter writer above. Sometimes what seems like a slight is just a different way of being at home in the world.