Dear Eric >> My oldest daughter is going through a rough divorce. Her soon to be ex-husband is asking for alimony, extra expenses and basically putting her through the ringer, because he thinks she owes it to him due to her infidelity. She met her new boyfriend when she was still married.

This has put my grandchild in a difficult and confusing situation. He is 17 years old, and he loves both his parents. He feels he has to be loyal to his dad, because his dad says he is the victim. But he also acknowledges that he has never seen his mother so happy. They had a contentious marriage that made her quite anxious and unhappy.

I want to help my grandson navigate through this challenging time. What kind of advice can I give him?

— Worried Grandmother

Dear Grandmother >> I’m so glad your grandson has you to help him during this time. He needs a trusted adult nearby who can tell him things he really needs to hear. Things like: “It’s not right that you’re being put in the middle of this contentious divorce” and “I know it’s hard to hear negative things about your parents and I’m sorry” and “No matter what you do, you’re not being disloyal to either parent. They have a responsibility to show up for you and make sure you know you’re loved unconditionally. They might fail at that — they’re human — but when they do, remember that this isn’t something that you caused.”

Most of all, remind him that he doesn’t have to pick a side. Divorce is hard and your son is seeing new sides of his parents and that’s going to take some getting used to. Robert E. Emery writes in the book “The Truth About Children and Divorce,” “children whose parents put them first from the start have a tremendous advantage over those whose parents cannot separate their feelings about their failed marriage from their feelings about the co-parenting partnership that will last the rest of their lives.” That didn’t happen here, but you can make sure your grandson knows that he’s a priority for you.

While the way he’s being leveraged by his father is very inappropriate, it provides an opportunity for you to guide your grandson through an important part of growing up: seeing his parents as humans. Like all humans, they make mistakes sometimes, they give into their worst instincts, and they can fail the ones they’re supposed to protect. This doesn’t make them unworthy of love. Help your grandson to develop internal boundaries while you advocate on his behalf with the adults in his life. This will help him to have healthier relationships with his parents and with future partners.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com