Dear Eric >> My estranged niece has a 9-year-old daughter whom we love very much. The father was married with children when she was born and died a few days after.

We strongly feel his parents have a right to know of this fantastic child. Grandniece will eventually seek them out. By letting them know now it should ease the shock of learning later.

I should add that grandniece constantly asks who her father is and if we know him. Value your advice.

— Loving Uncle

Dear Uncle >> Your first priority should be navigating what your grandniece knows about her parentage, especially since she’s asking. This is important information for her to receive at the appropriate time and in an appropriate manner. Her mother, your niece, is a key part of this. It’s not appropriate to overstep by having a conversation with your grandniece that her mother doesn’t know about.

This is complicated by the estrangement. Not knowing the nature of the arrangement (how you’re able to see the grandniece while being estranged from her mom, for instance), my hands are a bit tied. But the first step is talking with your niece about what you’re hearing from your grandniece.

Dear Eric >> Regarding neighbors going to the trouble to put their dogs on a leash and walk past their own yard to the letter writer’s lawn “Perplexed Not Pissed”: Lots of dogs won’t go on their own property and decide on their own how far to travel on a leash before they do their business.

The letter writer can at least know it’s very unlikely the neighbors are doing this on purpose.

If the neighbors knew it was upsetting to a particular homeowner, they could probably train their dogs to move along a little further.

— Dog Accidents

Dear Dog Accidents >> This is helpful context. Hopefully, when informed of the issue, the neighbors will help their dogs make different choices.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com