Dear Eric >> My son’s wife is the chief breadwinner. They keep their finances separate. He pays half of everything, even though it’s hard for him.

After she had the baby, she wanted to return to her “pre-baby weight,” so she signed up for this expensive diet plan where all the food comes semi-premade in a box. My son has had to provide his own meals. They do not sit down to dinner together.

When she does her auxiliary grocery shopping, he has to pay for half, as a lot of that is for the baby and their cat. But she does not buy groceries for him specifically and he has to stop at the store and pick up food on his own dime and prepare his own dinner when he gets home.

The child is now going on 3, and she has not returned to her pre-baby weight because she does not adhere to the diet, but she looks fine. And she is a good cook and seems to enjoy aspects of cooking. But she continues this expensive diet food plan and is not responsible for feeding her husband meals.

This is something I find incredibly unacceptable, but I know that things are different today. There is a part of me that feels it is the wife’s duty to make dinner, just as it is the husband’s duty to mow the lawn and take out the trash and that she is staying on this diet because it absolves her from having to plan meals and fix dinner. I struggle to have a good relationship with her, so I say nothing. But what are your thoughts on this?

— Dinner is Optional

Dear Dinner >> You’ll be much happier if you stay out of their food fight. Because from what you’ve written, it’s not a fight for them, only you. Maybe this arrangement doesn’t work for your son and he’s tired of making his own food. But he’s an adult and thems the breaks. If it’s a problem, he and his wife have to be the ones to solve it together.

A simple solution, I should think, would be for your son to add his groceries to the list with the baby’s food and the cat’s, thereby sharing all food costs equally. Or he can start ordering the prepared meals, too.

But inserting yourself, even with unspoken opinions, is going to lead to hard feelings. More to the point, it’s not appropriate and you should choose another path.

You’ll find it easier to have a relationship with your daughter-in-law if you release her from your expectations (and keep your eyes off her scale). Try to see her as a person who is doing what she can to make the most of her time as a worker, a mother, a wife and someone who doesn’t always want to stare at the fridge wondering what’s for dinner.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.