DEAR ABBY >> My father’s wife, “Carole,” loves to thrift-shop. She enjoys hunting for a good deal, particularly if she can find things for our 5-year-old daughter, “Liana.” It’s sweet how excited she gets when she brings over a pile of new clothes.

The problem is, Carole has really different taste than my husband and I do, and most of her purchases aren’t appropriate for a little girl to be wearing. (I’m talking hot pants, tiny tank tops, sequin midriff shirts and leopard miniskirts.) These outfits don’t pass the school dress code or the Mama dress code.

We have told Liana she can wear these things only at home and made a “dress up” box for them. She’s OK with that, but I’m not sure what to tell Carole when she asks why Liana isn’t wearing her new clothes. Several times, I’ve had to intervene when she’s told our daughter to change into the things she’s brought before we go out. I’ve said things like, “We like Liana to be more covered up,” but it’s like Carole can’t hear me.

How can I spare Carole’s feelings while enforcing our standards? This isn’t something I’m going to budge on.

— Modest Mama in the Midwest

DEAR MAMA >> You have tried the oblique approach. Carole doesn’t get the message. Now it’s time for you to step up and be a mom. Tell Carole you are grateful for her generosity, but you do not want your daughter “overexposed” in public. Tell her you want Liana to concentrate on her intellectual growth rather than on glitz and glamor, which is why you feel sequin midriff shirts, hot pants and leopard print clothing are not appropriate. Then give her back the items you feel are objectionable so she can donate them again.

Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.