Dear Eric >> I told my husband I was done in our marriage during a marriage-counseling session close to nine months ago. This was our second round of marriage counseling. I have also done some therapy on my own. I have not taken any actions to indicate I’m done other than to occasionally remind my husband that I’m the one that wants out when he thinks things are harmonious.

He won’t move out because he believes marriage is forever and he doesn’t want our teenage children to think he is deserting them.

I don’t feel like I should move out because I bought the house before we were married. His name is not on the title nor hardly any of the utilities. He never even changed his address on his driver’s license.

We have never fully been united. Before our first round of marriage counseling six years ago, I filed for divorce. After counseling, I dismissed the case hoping things would get better.

Our issues have nothing to do with infidelity, drugs, alcohol or money.

A recent conversation that left me a bit dumbfounded was my husband’s suggestion that I should honor his sister who passed by being forgiving of past things my husband did that he thinks I’m holding against him, because his sister would have wanted that.

I know what I should do but cannot bring myself to do it. I wish he’d recognize some marriages do not last forever.

— Wants Out

Dear Wants Out >> Knowing what you should do and having the wherewithal to do it are two separate things, so don’t be too hard on yourself. It sounds like your husband has some manipulative tendencies, which may also be complicating your marriage and your desire to end it.

Even if you don’t file right away, please talk to an attorney so that you have a full understanding of what your options and rights are. The laws of the state you live in will have an impact on the disposition of the house, for instance.

Your husband knows things aren’t harmonious and it’s disingenuous of him to act otherwise. This also makes it harder for either of you to move forward in your relationship. If he believes marriage is forever, he needs to be committed to finding the solutions to make forever work. If he can’t or won’t, then forever needs to look different.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com