Born March 28, 1934, in Eureka, California, to Dr. Jean "Doc" Hitchcock Dirstine and Frances Esma Wilhelm Dirstine, Gay graduated San Mateo High School at 16, attended San Mateo Junior College, then completed her BA in General Business from the University of Washington in 1954.

She began her Master's at Stanford where she met Frank Stephenson Barnes. They married on December 17, 1955.

She completed her MA in Business Education in 1956. In 1959, the couple settled in Boulder where Gay taught at Boulder High School until her two children were born.

She went on to become the Registrar of the Colorado Amateur Athletic Union (1975-85). As certified swimming judge, she officiated at twenty National and Junior National Championships and served as the Director of Results for the 1984 Summer Olympic Games. She began as skating judge from 1968-85, as US figure skating judge from 1971-83, and earned the designation of National Judge. She served on the National Figure Skating Board of Directors for 12 years and was an Honorary Member of the Denver Figure Skating Club (DFSC) and Honorary National Judge of the US Figure Skating Association.

The Gay Barnes Award was named in her honor and goes to a DFSC member who serves in a professional capacity and shows exceptional commitment to figure skating.

Gay died peacefully on January 19, 2025. Her father, mother, and sister preceded her in death, as did her daughter Amy. She is survived by her husband Dr. Frank S. Barnes, her son, Dr. Stephen D. Barnes (Lani Zielsdorf), and her twin grandsons: Ansel S. Barnes (Elizabeth Henrichon) and Forrest S. Barnes.

Her niece, Margaret Tormey (Robert Seeds) and her nephew, Dr. 
Warren T. Tormey (Kim) and her great nephews Thelonius R. 
Seeds and Edward T. Seeds also survive her, as well as her son-in-law, Richard C. Frey, his daughters Julie (Kevin) and Barbara (David), and adopted son, Ajay, and her great-grandchildren Corbin, Sara, and Rosemary.