Dear Eric >> Even though I started off school smart and curious, starting middle school, I did horribly. I couldn’t manage my time wisely. I couldn’t organize my thoughts, and it was paralyzing. They suggested I be tested for ADHD. I was able to mask any symptoms with a proctor standing over my shoulder, so I passed with flying colors. They suggested my mother look into getting me tested by a doctor. She denied that, saying I was just lazy, and I needed to do better.

As an adult, I’m not doing well. I don’t know how to navigate this life. I don’t have a degree because I lost motivation for everything I thought I wanted to learn. I’ve grown paralyzed at the thought of speaking with others, even to the point of making and keeping doctor appointments.

My mother is taking care of my three oldest children (their father passed away a year ago). I have a psychiatric evaluation coming up that’ll hopefully give me some answers.

I need an income for myself. But where do I go? Community help doesn’t help me — churches, groups, et cetera — because I see through and realize these members are wracked with their own issues, so I don’t want to be a burden!

— Starting Over

Dear Starting Over >> First things first — you’re not a burden. Care organizations exist because they know that there’s a need for community care. That includes you, too. Please reach out.

I’m glad that you’ve taken the self-affirming step of getting an evaluation. This is huge and you should give yourself credit. Hopefully, it provides some answers and resources.

If you have ADHD or another form of neurodivergence, then executive function might be a struggle for you. This isn’t your fault.

Try taking tiny nibbles on the full plate of tasks before you. One thing at a time, one task a day or whatever cadence feels best for you. Try visiting CHADD.org, an incredible clearinghouse of resources for children and adults with ADHD. I also really like the podcast Refocused with Lindsay Guentzel and the fantastic new book “It All Makes Sense Now” by Meredith Carder. You don’t have to solve it all today, but from the steps you’ve already taken, you are on your way.

Dear Eric >> In response to Walking on Eggshells about saying the right words to folks going through tough times. Yes! “I love you, I’m sorry, I’m here” are wonderful! As someone who had two children with disabilities to raise, lost a relatively young husband suddenly, along with many other big life issues one after the other to navigate, please add to the list: “You’re doing great!” That was music to my ears Also: “Let me help you with...” or “I’ll be there to...” And then show up. I was never good at asking for help but, oh, when it arrived how wonderful it was!

— Do and Say

Dear Do and Say >> Thank you so much for these wonderful suggestions! You’re doing great!

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.