Dear Eric >> I’m pretty sure I should seek therapy. As a longtime first responder with probable PTSD, plus recent marital issues and the recent deaths of a number of close loved ones, I feel the need to speak to an unbiased third party.

I’m not comfortable speaking with my spouse or friends because I’m the one they all come to, and they see me as the one who has it all together. This is so untrue. I have self-esteem issues, and I’m always worried about being seen as “less than.”

Hence, my concern. I am afraid I won’t be able to be absolutely open with a therapist because I fear I will disappoint them. I know how ridiculous this sounds to others (and they’ve told me this), but it’s real to me. Please help.

— People Pleaser

Dear Pleaser >> You’re going through a lot. I’m sorry for the loss of your loved ones and for the pressure you’re feeling. I want to assure you that, even though it may not feel like it, you’re taking the right steps.

Your fear is not ridiculous; it’s what you’re feeling so it deserves consideration. But I’d like to gently redirect it. A good therapist is there to meet you where you are, to work with whatever you come in the door with. Sometimes what you’re coming in with isn’t as open as you want but know that the right therapist for you isn’t going to start the session with a list of expectations for you in that way.

If you can, try to front-load this fear in initial conversations with your therapist. Even speaking it can diffuse it somewhat. It also empowers your therapist to provide you with the kind of guidance and care that will continually remind you that you’re not disappointing them and help you rewrite that narrative.

What you bring into the session is enough. You’re doing the right thing. Keep going. Thank you for what you do to care for others. Try to give yourself and your healing the same compassion and grace as you heal.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.