Dear Eric: We live in the same town as my son’s family. He and his wife have two little boys. Our daughter-in-law’s parents have many nice homes, including a local condominium.

Her mother takes charge and makes plans for every holiday unless she’s traveling. And we are never invited despite our invites to them whenever we’ve squeezed in some plans.

My son knows how we feel, agrees, but begs us not to say anything because they are so touchy. We don’t want to cause trouble for him, but it is getting pretty hard to remain silent. Thoughts?

— Uninvited

Dear Uninvited: I really wish your son would say something to his in-laws about this. I understand that no one is under any obligation to invite anyone else into their home and that this “touchy” relationship with his wife’s family likely has other pain points. But you need an advocate here and it’s (relatively) easier for him to stand up for you than for you to insert yourself.

Short of that, however, you might want to have a conversation with your son and daughter-in-law about sharing holidays.

Dear Eric: I’m a sophomore in high school and I read your column in the Seattle Times. My grandma has dementia. Over the past year, we’ve noticed more and more signs and convinced her to move into a nursing home a few months ago because we can’t provide the constant care she needs.

She’s at a more advanced stage now and can’t walk or feed herself, and she forgets who we are sometimes, which is hard for all of us. I love her so, so much and she was such a big part of my life, but now I can barely get through visits without breaking down.

I hate seeing her like this and I’m finding myself avoiding visits because I can’t face seeing her in a wheelchair and being so confused.

— Loving Granddaughter

Dear Granddaughter: Pull up photos or videos that bring to mind times that felt happier for you. This phase is a part of her journey – and your shared journey together – but it’s not the whole story.

When a loved one is nearing the end of their life, we can sometimes develop an “all or nothing” feeling. As if the way we respond is the only thing that’s going to matter or the only thing we’ll remember.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.