Dear Eric >> I am two months pregnant, or so I thought. Three months ago, I met Steve at a concert. Our relationship developed quickly, and we became intimate after only a few weeks.

Steve is so excited about the baby. It would be his first. He has even offered to marry me as soon as possible.

When I went for a checkup the other day, the doctor told me the baby is four months old, not two months. There is no mistake about it.

Several weeks before meeting Steve, I had a brief encounter with another man. It ended badly (he cheated on me). I honestly had no idea I was already pregnant when I met Steve.

How do I tell Steve the truth? It would crush him to find out this highly anticipated baby is not actually his. He might dump me and then I would be all alone. Even if he stays, trust will always be an issue between us.

He is a smart guy. It is only a matter of time until he notices the baby is older than our relationship.

— At a Crossroads

Dear Crossroads >> Though the conversations you and Steve need to have may be tough, they’d be necessary for the long-term health of your relationship, whether the baby was his or not. It’s possible to fall head-over-heels in love in three months, and there are surely couples who have built happy marriages on that initial spark, but I worry that the flurry of excitement you’ve both been feeling may have obscured some of the foundational work that you need to do.

Some of that work involves figuring out where your values align and where they diverge. For instance, if Steve is the kind of person who feels compelled to dump you at this time, but you want to explore a path together, then you’re not well suited for each other and it’s better to know now.

You’ll also want to contact the father of the child to keep him abreast of your plans and allow him the chance to have a relationship with the child.

Being able to talk to Steve about how that relationship will affect your relationship, if at all, may help.

Trust is built and rebuilt over time. You both owe it to yourselves to be as honest as possible whenever you can. Tell Steve the full truth — this is as confusing to you as it likely is to him; you want to find a way forward. It’s quite possible he will be equally excited about co-parenting with you regardless of genetics.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com