Overwhelm arrives when our resources (time, energy, money, emotional and mental bandwidth) are far outweighed by the demands in our work and lives.

When my clients want support in this area, they are usually asking how they can be more productive, efficient, and calm in the face of mounting stress and to-do’s. They tend to be frustrated with themselves, saying, “I should be able to manage this” or “I shouldn’t be so stressed out.” They are focused on what’s wrong with them and convinced that others are managing just fine. While there are some practical tools that can help, we typically need to address elements of the bigger picture as well.

The first thing I like to do is step back and clarify. This means naming all the things, big and small, that are causing the overwhelm. In a session, I listen and repeat back what the client shared. When I ask what came up for them hearing it back, invariably, they are shocked at how much they are managing and say that it makes sense why they are feeling overwhelmed and stressed. By mindfully observing the facts of the situation and validating our experience, we can stop blaming ourselves. This helps calm the emotions and activates the part of the brain that supports critical thinking and decision-making.

Another way to increase effectiveness and productivity when overwhelmed is to check in with your expectations of yourself. Often, we are holding ourselves to an impossible standard, and then beating ourselves up when we fail to meet them. How motivated and energized can a person be when they are feeling like they are constantly failing? The intention to excel in all areas at all times will often decrease our performance and productivity over time.

So, what can we do instead? We need to be honest with ourselves by doing a status check. Rate yourself on a scale of one to 10 in the following areas: energy, mood, physical well-being, stress level, and quality of sleep last night. Using those numbers, we can make intentional decisions around what are reasonable expectations for today. If your energy level is at a six and you are feeling like you’re getting sick, which puts your physical well-being at a five, it might support your week to rearrange or delegate a few tasks, to insert even a little more rest, or to be mindful about how you talk to yourself knowing you’re not at a hundred percent.

Next, here are a few practical steps that my clients use when they are very overwhelmed. Write everything down. This step alone will create space in your brain because it no longer needs to remember and track all your tasks and to-do’s. After the list is complete, put a star next to the one or two items that are most important for the day. Focus on those first, even if you’re tempted to do easier, less important things instead. Relish the feeling of satisfaction as you check off the thing that would’ve lingered in the back of your mind all day. For the remaining items on the list, challenge yourself to delete, delegate, or delay them if there isn’t time and energy to complete them. Making a plan for how each thing will get addressed will allow your brain to relax.

Finally, I want to zoom out and offer some inquiries for your consideration. Why is being productive important to you? What are the different ways a person might define productivity? If it were totally up to you, what would productivity look like and feel like? Do you give yourself permission to do “minimal days” (meaning just doing the minimum of what’s required)? Do you have seasons where you get to slow down, or do you need to be full-throttle productive all the time?

I aim to provide compassionate and practical guidance. Submit below if you’d like my perspective on your question or circumstance.

Tiffany Skidmore is a mental health and life coach who specializes in anxiety. Email your questions and feedback to tiffany@tiffanyskidmore.com or submit them anonymously at tinyurl.com/thelifecoach. Visit tiffskidmore.com to learn more about Tiffany and her work.