Dear Eric >> A few months ago, I discovered I was not invited to my niece’s wedding this summer. She is the daughter of my only sibling. I was told when I asked my sister if I needed to save the date. I have attended my sister’s other two children’s weddings.

I should include that I am an adult, ASD Level 1. Most people would be familiar with the term high-functioning Asperger’s. I am also in my early 60s. ASD might make me awkward on occasion, have sensory disorder, and discomfort in large groups which I control by using strategies, but it would hopefully not have been part of the reason for my niece’s decision.

I was told by my sister it was “immediate family only.” The kicker is, it turns out it is not only immediate family because my two uncles will attend the wedding. My sister’s close friends are also attending my niece’s wedding.

I now have no desire to continue my relationship with my sister after learning this. The level of disrespect and dishonesty has left me feeling there would be no way to ever trust or feel emotionally safe around my sister. Neither my sister nor I have been absent from each other’s children’s lives, and I thought I had a good relationship with my niece.

I am heartbroken. I question everything about what I thought our relationship was given how unkind this decision was. Also, money or limits on the number of invites was not a factor in the decision.

I need to take an extended break from my sister and her family. Am I obligated to explain why?

— Disposable Aunt

Dear Aunt >> I am so sorry. This is awfully hurtful, unnecessarily so. You’re worthy of being thought of, and, if not invited, at least told the truth directly. Your sister may have thought she was doing the kind thing by keeping most of this information from you, but as we’re seeing, intention and impact are not the same.

You don’t need to explain why you’re taking a break. Take the space you need to process this, to grieve it, and to talk to people you love and trust about what’s going on. It’s important that you keep hearing the true message that this is not about who you are or how you show up in social situations. I know that you’ve done a lot of work in your life to navigate being neurodivergent in a society that isn’t accommodating or understanding. Try to get back to a place of remembering that the work you’ve done is important because it helps you, not because it helps others tolerate you. You’re enough.

At a certain point, it will be useful to talk with your sister about how this situation affected you. Take the time you need to gather your thoughts and feelings on this. She won’t be able to undo what’s done, but it’s important that you’re heard.