Dear Abby >> My son’s father, “Tony,” and I dated for two years before our son was born. We split up seven years ago, and it’s been on and off most of the time since then. This past year we have been growing closer again, and I asked him what he wants. Tony said he doesn’t want a romantic relationship with anyone right now because he is working on his anger issues. He’s a former combat Marine, and he’s had these issues for years.

I have been honest about wanting a relationship when he is ready, but I’m really confused with the mixed messages he sends me. I asked about setting boundaries we both agree on, but Tony says he doesn’t need any and that I should do what I feel is right for me. This leaves me feeling I’d be being used if the situation becomes intimate.

I have drawn the boundary at no sex unless we are in a relationship. Tony treats me like a friend and wants to hug or kiss me at times. I feel that because we don’t currently want the same relationship, I should move on. What is your advice?

— On Hold in Ohio

Dear On hold >> I am sorry you didn’t mention how Tony’s anger issues manifest themselves. If they are so severe that he acts out, he does need professional help. You have wisely postponed having (more) sex with him without some kind of commitment, which he’s unwilling to make.

From what you have written, your son’s father isn’t interested in more than a friendly relationship with you so he can have one with his son. While I admire that, I do NOT think you should plan on a future with him, or you could end up waiting forever.

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