Dear Eric >> My niece contacted me and said she was coming to a college reunion near me. She wondered if she and her family could stay at my home during the weekend. I was happy to have them, and they had a good time. My wife and I cooked several meals for them and loaned them a car. Their final evening, we all went out to dinner (six of them and two of us), and when the bill came it was placed on the table between my nephew and me. He never made a move, so I reached for it and paid for it all. He didn’t offer to share and, in not doing so, didn’t even give me the chance to express my generosity and say, “I’ve got it.” I felt disappointed and used. How would you have handled this?

— Upset Uncle

Dear Uncle >> Oh my! Your nephew should have offered to pay. Or, if that wasn’t within the family’s means, he could have said something beforehand and found another way to show their gratitude. Did they bring a gift basket? Did they send a thank you note? I certainly hope so.

In the moment, you might have said, “Shall we split it?” Or even, “would you mind treating us?”

Although it sounds like you’d already planned to treat them. Perhaps he intuited that and was trying not to insult. Still, no one wants to have their generosity assumed. When the check comes, it’s best to put expectations on the table before credit cards.

Dear Eric >> With regard to the letter from a person whose brother is ailing and needs family support (“Torn Apart”), there are law firms all around the country that practice a process called Life Care Planning, which helps deal with legal, financial and health issues that come up when a family member is facing a new health situation, from ones like this reader detailed to those struggling with cognitive impairment issues. These life care planning firms can be found at lcplfa.org.

Life care planning connects families with a lawyer to address legal issues, as well as an Elder Care Coordinator, normally a nurse or social worker, to help address health and care needs. I’ll be clear that these services can be expensive up front but can help families save money in the long run.

For the record, I myself am not a lawyer, but work at a firm that does Life Care Planning, and I have been amazed by the effect the work can have on families.

— Reader

Dear Reader >> Thank you — this is a great option.

Dear Eric >> I read about the older couple who are always invited to gift-giving parties but never holiday ones (“Heartbroken”). They did not say that they had ever invited folks to a holiday party at their place. I wonder if they did, the friends might get the idea and reciprocate.

— Party Host

Dear Host >> A great idea, if they have the capacity. And a nice way to put their own stamp on family tradition.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com