Dear Eric >> Before a summer trip to visit family in 2019, a friend’s cat passed away. She wrapped the kitty in one of her husband’s T-shirts and buried it in the desert backyard, maybe two feet deep. Around the day she was leaving, she discovered that desert fauna had slipped inside the backyard fence and disturbed the site. She told me she couldn’t deal with the mess; which I completely understand. I was cat-sitting her other cat, so I helped.

My first attempt at cleanup was not successful. Second attempt, I thought I’d either take the remains to be cremated, or bury the cat in my backyard. Cremation costs were out of my means so, for the last six years, the kitty has been safely buried in my yard.

In the time since, our friendship has disintegrated. I returned her key to her house. She has never really said that she hated or liked my solution to the cat’s burial. She is a very private person; and can be passive-aggressive, snarky and avoidant.

But, what do I do with the deceased cat? If one of my kitties had had to be buried elsewhere, I would be angry. Do I dig up the kitty and cremate what is left? Do I create a box of cremains-like and mail it? Put what’s left in the dirt in a box and not cremate? Cremate, send her an email, apologizing and wishing her well and give a deadline for mailing?

— Pet Cemetery Sitter

Dear Sitter >> Cats have nine lives, but one burial suffices. Two is generous. Three risks farce. Let the cat rest undisturbed in your yard. You kindly solved a problem for your friend that she should have cared enough to solve. You’ve done more than your share and can let your worries rest in peace, as well.

Dear Eric >> At 75, I have been getting rid of stuff for years to get ready to meet my maker. Unfortunately, my son’s new girlfriend thinks I can’t afford decorations. I pass on all the lovely arts and crafts she gives me to the Goodwill.

I don’t want to tell her that I would prefer a handmade coupon for a lunch date at the cafe of my choice or other useful items. I’d love fragrance-free soaps and shampoo, canned tuna fish or stamps. I’ve just gotten rid of a lifetime of clothes and prefer an austere life now. Advice, please?

— Downsizing Dilemma

Dear Downsizing >> Friend, you’re already there! You’ve downsized everything, including the potential conflict. In your letter, you’ve figured out the problem and a solution that could make everyone happy. So, just tell her the truth. You’re still building a relationship and the best way to do that is to communicate, kindly and helpfully.

Before the next gift-giving holiday, let her know exactly what you wrote to me: I’m downsizing, it’s freeing; here’s what would be really valuable to me. You can even model it by giving her a coupon for a lunch date to show you mean it.