Dear Eric: My now-retired parents are terrific people. They’re interesting, kind, hardworking and A++ grandparents. My wife and I marvel at how instinctive, capable and giving they are with our two young boys.

That said, every year that goes by, their anxiety reaches new heights.

It seems like a classic case of having very little to fill the void of what their careers once were. It makes it exhausting to spend more than a day or two at a time with them, as the ticks and ruminations start mounting and, eventually, corroding every interaction.

All the lights must be turned off in the house 24/7, unless there’s a very good reason to turn them on. Ordering dinner is anywhere between a one- and two-hour ordeal.

It’s stuff that’s not only decreasing their quality of life, but in turn, affecting my relationship with them. I’d sooner disengage than have another circular discussion about their HOA’s landscaping decisions.

I know the bunny slopes advice: Have an honest conversation. Express loving concern. Use “I feel” language. Blah, blah, blah. Do you have any black diamond takes on how to kindly broach the topic with them? Obviously, no one wants to be parented by their children.

— Grateful Son

Dear Son: Black diamond? Accept it. Their experience of the world is changing and while some of it may be cause for concern (more on that in a second), other aspects may simply be quirks in personality that come with age and stage. They’re great parents and grandparents, so give them some grace. Turn off the lights if they don’t want them on. Listen to the HOA talk. We have such a finite amount of time with each other.

That said, if you’re concerned that their anxiety is indicative of some larger issue, tell them. “These are the things I’m seeing. Do you see this as an issue as well? Would you be open to talking to your doctor about it? Can I come along as your medical advocate?” Anxiety manifests itself in a number of ways and it is treatable medically, holistically and spiritually. But you’ll have to let go of your judgment of it in order to have a conversation that feels safe for them. Think of it less as parenting your parents, and more as making room for vulnerability on all sides. (Also, the bunny slopes will still get you to the bottom of the mountain safely, so don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.)

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