Dear Eric >> I am a 62-year-old woman who recently relocated to her hometown in the Midwest from the East Coast, after 40 years. I have a wonderful network of friends here, whom I’ve known practically my entire life.

I’m happier than I could have imagined with my decision to move here.

Something that has become apparent is, while I have a deep affection and love for these friends, I don’t have that much in common with them. This was not as apparent over the five decades that we would visit because the visits were short.

I’m often disappointed in some of the attitudes that my friends have, and I can be quite judgmental about their views. There seems to be an underlying consensus that people who have children (or chose a traditional path) are somehow more worthy because their burdens are greater than those who took an unconventional path and had no children.

All of these friends are married and have children. I, on the other hand, am very content in my decision to divorce after a brief but happy marriage and not procreate.

I am often quite judgmental of their views and sometimes find their stereotyping offensive, at best. I’d like to be less judgmental in their presence. Do you have any suggestions how I might achieve this?

— Feeling Judgmental

Dear Feeling >> Even though you’ve known your friends for so long, it’ll be helpful to think of these relationships as somewhat new. As you noted, a lot can be gracefully ignored over a short visit. But now that you’re local, you (and they) have the opportunity to figure out just how much interaction actually works for you. Part of your judgment is coming from interacting too much. Some lifelong friends are also “every now and then” friends.

This involves acceptance. You know where they stand on certain things and, as long as those issues aren’t dangerous or morally unacceptable to you, you have the option of saying “I don’t love this part of my friend’s personality, but I do like my friend. Since I can’t change them, I’m going to acknowledge my own need to put space between us in order to keep things pleasant.”

The pressure you feel to express your judgment needs an escape valve. Go in knowing what feels conversationally off-limits to you, and work on cultivating other friendships that align with your values as a counterbalance.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com