Every Sunday, Kevin Cusick makes his predictions against the latest Las Vegas point spread, the way God intended …

Vikings at Giants (+1½)

The 2024 season begins with a matchup of two most unimpressive quarterbacks: While the Vikings’ Sam Darnold used to be the biggest clown show in the Big Apple, New York’s Daniel Jones still is.

Pick: Vikings by 3

Patriots at Bengals (-8½)

New England coach Jerod Mayo picked veteran QB Jacoby Brissett to start the opener. He was impressed in training camp by rookie Drake Maye but was concerned that he was almost as young as Bill Belichick’s girlfriend.

Pick: Bengals by 21

Titans at Bears (-4½)

Tennessee QB Will Levis famously revealed he has put mayonnaise in his coffee and parlayed that into a Hellmann’s commercial deal. We’re guessing that may not wind up being the most nauseating part of the Titans’ season.

Pick: Bears by 7

Jets at 49ers (-6½)

Niners rookie Ricky Pearsall is out after being shot in a botched robbery, but he avoided critical injury. It turned out the bullet passed through his chest almost as easily as the 49ers’ pass rushers will go through the Jets’ O-line.

Pick: 49ers by 7

Cardinals at Bills (-6½)

Former Ohio State standout Marvin Harrison Jr. makes his NFL debut Sunday in Buffalo. And it comes against a Stefon Diggs-less Bills team that his father, Marvin Harrison Sr., could probably start for this season.

Pick: Bills by 3

Jaguars at Dolphins (-3½)

Florida’s most disappointing teams (not counting Florida State and Florida) return for the first time since their ‘23 meltdowns. The bright side for the Dolphins is that it could be 100 degrees warmer than their last playoff game in Kansas City.

Pick: Dolphins by 7

Cowboys at Browns (+1½)

Cleveland QB Deshaun Watson is set to play despite not setting foot on the field since last fall. There’s no good way to massage the fact the Browns were much better off with 80-year old Joe Flacco.

Pick: Cowboys by 3

Rams at Lions (-3½)

Detroit will be on fire for this rematch of last year’s NFC wild card game against former favorite Matthew Stanford. Lions fans will remember that contest as one of the postseason games that coach Dan Campbell did not single-handedly blow.

Pick: Lions by 7

Steelers at Falcons (-2½)

Pittsburgh is going to start Russell Wilson to start the season, and it’s fitting that he’ll be wearing his familiar No. 3. That’s because the Steelers are just weeks away from being the third team to kick DangerRuss to the curb.

Pick: Falcons by 7

Raiders at Chargers (-3½)

Gardner Minshew beat out Aidan O’Connell for Las Vegas’ quarterbacking job. While coach Antonio Pierce struggled to pick a winner between two tremendously feeble candidates, that experience prepared him to make his presidential choice in November.

Pick: Chargers by 4

Other games

Texans at Colts (+1½)

Pick: Texans by 3

Panthers at Saints (-4½)

Pick: Saints by 11

Broncos at Seahawks (-4½)

Pick: Seahawks by 3

Commanders at Buccaneers (-4½)

Pick: Commanders by 3

Record

2023-24 SEASON

175-110 straight up (.614)

142-143 vs. spread (.498)

ALL-TIME (2003-24)

3,631-2,020-14 straight up (.642)

2,760-2,761-144 vs. spread (.500)

You can hear Kevin Cusick on Wednesdays on Bob Sansevere’s “BS Show” podcast on iTunes. You can follow Kevin on Twitter — @theloopnow. He can be reached at kcusick@pioneerpress.com.