Dear Carolyn: My in-laws do not sit at the table to eat. Whether it is just mother- and father-in-law at home or the entire extended family, food goes on the counter and people self-serve and sit all over the house — some in front of the TV, others in the living room or porch looking at phones.

When I’m at their houses, I go with the flow. In our house, I want to sit at the table unless it is something like a cookout or the Super Bowl. This was such a concern of mine that I raised it with my husband while dating and we agreed to sit at the table.

Now when his parents come over, they refuse to sit at the table. His dad in particular says he’s not a child and I can’t force him. So we are in a bit of a stalemate.

I don’t want to have them over for a meal if it means working hard to prepare it only to sit scattered in our house and not talking. My mother-in-law is telling everyone in the family that I won’t have them over for a meal.

They like to play bingo and take their dog to the park for long walks. My husband has asked if we can join them to do these things or go to a restaurant, and my mother-in-law refuses, because she knows we are asking to avoid meals at our house.

I waffle between thinking I’m being obnoxious and should give up, to thinking my in-laws are really being bullies. My husband is supporting me but frustrated, too. He asked me to write to you. So I am and hoping you’ve got ideas for me.

— A Seat at the Table

A Seat at the Table: Whoo. Good luck with these two.

A few things.

1. Tell your husband thanks.

2. Also tell him I’m sorry, because his dad is such a child. “You can’t force me,” really? And congrats, too, for falling a notable distance from the tree.

3. You, Seat, already “won” a while ago. You both did. That’s in irony quotes because the only victory is harmony, even if each of you eats crouched alone in a different closet. You two are a gently united front against this bizarre tantrum his parents are having. Great.

4. For what it’s worth, though: Drawing the hard line on the in-laws’ visits was totally within your rights to do, but you inadvertently stepped into a power struggle. Presumably you and Mr. You Can’t Tell Me What to Do had already met? Mind you, they sound like wonderful people not to have sat across from you at any table anywhere, so if you were ready to let dinner die on this hill, then I’m all for that — but given the dad’s tendencies, putting bingo-and-dog-walks first might have been the better move if you weren’t ready for outright war.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.