Q I am about 10 years into my career and have been at my current job for two years. I have always received glowing reviews and I have never had an interpersonal issue with supervisors. In this job, I have a direct supervisor and a boss above her. For a reason I can’t figure out, my direct supervisor does not like me. She acknowledged that my work is very good and gives me positive reviews, but I have (inadvertently!) caught her talking about me behind my back in unkind ways. This morning, I walked into the office as she was mischaracterizing to my boss an email exchange that we’d had. What she said confirmed that she does not like me and willfully misconstrues our interactions to make me seem unreasonable.

Luckily, my boss seems to recognize that I am reasonable and brushes her comments off. But my boss also doesn’t address the issue. I am at a loss as to how to handle this. If I talk to my boss, she will almost surely tell my supervisor about my concerns. And I fear that will only make things worse. Do I just need to continue to try to ignore my supervisor’s cattiness? Do I need to find a new job?

— Anonymous

A I don’t like bullies. And I’m especially sensitive to your query, probably because of experiences I had in my early adolescence with a “mean girl” named Cheyenne who made my life a living hell for most of eighth grade.

But the thing about Cheyenne was that her bullying was overt: She had no compunction about approaching me and insulting me to my face (always with an audience). So even though your story may, as the kids say, “trigger” certain memories in me, I have to keep in mind that the situation you describe is a lot more complicated.

One: The bullying you’re experiencing is more covert than overt. It’s not just that she’s maligning you; she is also going out of her way to do so to other people.

Two: You and your bully are both adults. It’s one thing to encounter derision and toxic gossip in middle school, but we should expect more of our older peers and colleagues.

Three, and perhaps most important: This is happening in your place of work, affecting not only your day-to-day happiness, but possibly your career and paycheck.

It sounds as if you’re ready to focus on how you should deal with this.

I’m in favor of confrontation as a first step — probably because I haven’t always confronted bullies in my own life, and I have lived to regret it. In this case, I’d suggest a written note (I love a paper trail) with a follow-up request for a face-to-face meeting.

I went back to Failla, who said that, if you’re happy with your work, compensation and benefits, you should not leave your job. And she added, “The good news is that you are intuitively handling it well. I would continue to build great relationships with your co-workers and other managers and continue to perform well.”

Failla suggests having a confidential conversation with an HR person. “Rather than report it as a complaint, simply share what is happening and ask for some strategies on how to best deal with it,” she said. “In this way, you have it on the record and are showing up with integrity and as a person seeking solutions.”

Anna Holmes is an award-winning writer and editor whose work has appeared in numerous publications, including the New York Times, Washington Post, and The New Yorker.