Dear Eric >> Recently, it was “assumed” by my husband’s family that we would host a gathering for some out-of-town relatives. We have a better house for entertaining. Everyone brought a side dish, or dessert. I usually have at least one gathering a year for his family. I’m happy to do it. We have a nice dining room, but our table was not going to work for the number of people attending. I set up a smaller table in the living room, adjacent to our dining room. As people were lining up to fill their plates I heard some commotion, walked into the dining room, and saw my two sisters-in-law carrying the extra chairs and place settings to the dining room table. They decided it would be better if we all sat together. We were like sardines. Wine was spilled on my grandmother’s tablecloth.

After dinner I suggested we all go into the family room to chat, that we would have dessert a little later. I was arranging extra chairs in the family room when I looked up and saw my sisters-in-law bringing all the desserts to the kitchen table. I was told we were going to eat dessert immediately. Everyone was trying to balance their dessert plates on their laps, when my 8-year-old niece dropped an entire piece of chocolate cake on the rug.

As we were cleaning up my husband mentioned that he thought his sisters were out of line. They have always been a little “pushy,” but I have either made light of it or ignored it. For some reason this has really bothered me. Am I wrong to be angry?

— Unhappy Host

Dear Host >> Wine on the heirloom and cake on the rug? I’d be miffed, too. It can be great when guests make themselves at home, but not everyone runs their home the same way.

Let’s say they saw themselves as being helpful, a “many hands make light work” situation. The work is only light if the many hands are all working together. It sounds like your sisters-in-law need some gentle but strong direction — “No, dessert won’t work in the family room. Let’s stick to my plan.”

Hosting can be a complicated and tiring undertaking, even when it’s gladly done. You and your husband should discuss how you want to handle future “assumptions.” You may find that your house isn’t always available. Or, if you do host again, perhaps he can be the sister-manager, thereby freeing you up to enjoy your hard work.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com