Dear Abby >> Over the last few years, my family has faced a lot of loss, especially my mother. In the span of three years, she has lost her parents, my father and my brother. We had a little joy with my son being born. He brought a lot of happiness when everybody was heartbroken.

Right after my brother’s death, we found out we were unexpectedly pregnant again. We thought this would bring more joy for Mom, but we are getting bad news from the doctors, and the baby may not make it to term or survive very long after birth. I’m not sure how to break this news to Mom, and my wife is getting to where we can no longer hide that she’s pregnant.

We are getting a second opinion, but although we are holding out hope, I’m not sure it will change the situation. We know we have to tell Mom something. Any advice on how to tell her without breaking her heart?

— Withholding in New England

Dear Withholding >> My condolences to your mother, who has experienced a lot of loss in recent years. However, she is an adult and deserves to be a full participant in your lives and treated as such. For her sake (and yours), tell her what is going on and give her the chance to be supportive of you. If you do, of course the news will be sad, but she won’t be deprived of the chance to do for you what you have been doing for her.

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