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Dear Miss Manners >> I am the president of a social club that organizes activities for the LGBTQ community and allies. Our club is part of a regional association of similar social clubs that are not geared towards the LGBTQ community.
Several times a year, the regional association has a social event for all of the regional clubs. Generally, members of our club are warmly welcomed and enjoy participating in these events.
At the last regional event, a prominent member of a different club informed me that, although he “loved” the individual members of our club, he would not be attending any of our club functions because the Bible condemns homosexuality as a sin, and his attendance would be tantamount to condoning sinful behavior.
I’m not sure why he felt compelled to share that view with me. I certainly didn’t solicit it. At the end of the conversation, he asked if he could give me a hug goodbye to show that there were no hard feelings. Flabbergasted, and not wanting to cause a scene, I did hug him.
The next day, I received an email from him stating that he hoped he hadn’t offended me and he looked forward to seeing me at the next regional event. That event is scheduled for a few weeks from now. I have no interest in engaging with this person.
Do you have advice on how to courteously avoid having to interact with him, especially if he approaches me for a conversation?
Gentle Reader >> Since this man has already forgiven himself for the unpleasant interaction and any offense it caused, Miss Manners sees no need for you to indulge his prejudices for even a minute longer.
She suggests that you develop a keen interest in every other person at the event — or even the refreshments, if necessary — whenever you see him approach. But be prepared to step back from any approaching hugs.
Dear Miss Manners >> My landlady is a kind and thoughtful woman. She goes out of her way to ensure the comfort and livelihood of my roommate and me, even going so far as to bring us a big plate of turkey every year on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
However, while I am always — always — effusively grateful and do my best to show her the same considerations, I have never sent a thank-you note. I was simply never taught, and am saddened to think I missed out on so many wonderful opportunities to do so.
I want to start writing thank-you notes as a practice. Is there any decorous way to acknowledge my failure to do so over the past few years and to express my regret? Or would that simply be self-indulgence, detracting from my message of gratitude?
Gentle Reader >> It is not too late to begin the habit — nor is your current situation as bad as you may think. Having thanked your generous landlady in person and reciprocated where possible, writing a letter is not strictly necessary.
But far be it from Miss Manners to deter you from self-improvement, nor from what is apparently much-needed letter-writing practice. Berating oneself or laying out excuses is not, as you say, a gracious way to start a letter of thanks. Rather, you should address the accumulated kindness your landlady has shown.
Contact Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail.com.