Dear Eric >> I am a 55-year-old single female. I often get asked out on dates with men that I am not interested in. I recently met a man, and we have been going on great dates. I really enjoyed hanging out with him until his sister-in-law came to me and said things like, “don’t like him; don’t catch feelings for him. Just have fun with him and get what you can from him.”

I still like hanging out with him. Should I tell him what she said? Or just keep it to myself and just keep my guard up?

Dating Dilemma

Dear Dating >> A lot depends on whether you have a pre-existing relationship with the sister-in-law. If she’s just coming to you out of the blue and giving you dire warnings, it doesn’t mean she’s wrong, necessarily, but there’s no reason for you to trust her. How do you know she has your best interests in mind?

So, keep your guard up but also talk about it with the man you’ve been dating. Maybe he has more insight, maybe he’ll have a response that gives you a different view of him, maybe she’s completely right. If you’re getting to know someone in a romantic context and their relative is talking trash about them, it’s very helpful to ask them why that might be.

Lastly, think about what you want from this relationship, what you’re expecting and what you want to give to it. Maybe he’s fine for you for now; maybe you’ll discover you want something more. Staying clear-eyed can help you avoid getting hurt.

Dear Eric >> My wife and daughter have not gotten along well since my daughter hit middle school (she’s now about to turn 18). Part of the problem is that they are very much alike. Both of them have OCD, but they don’t obsess over the same things, which often leaves them at odds. They are both in therapy, and both therapists have recommended family counseling, but my daughter has refused.

I was driving with my daughter yesterday and out of nowhere, she told me what her problem with her mother is: “The only things I know about her are her favorite foods and that she has to control everything. You’re an open book, Dad: warts and all. Mom won’t share anything about herself that is even slightly embarrassing, or that makes her seem human.”

My wife was a bit of a “wild child.” The OCD didn’t present until she was older. Now, she is very much closed off about her past. She says it’s to protect my daughter from making the same mistakes. My question is, do I share what my daughter said with my wife? Telling this to my wife would hurt her deeply. I know they love each other, but when my daughter goes off to college, I feel that they will just drift apart.

Stuck Dad

Dear Dad >> I really feel for your wife she’s in a “cursed if you do, cursed if you don’t” position. For many parents, it can be particularly heartbreaking when the things you do with the best intentions, end up being the exact things that create a problem in your relationship with your child.

I think your daughter is being a bit unfair to your wife. You’re in a unique position to help her see where she’s being short-sighted. The statement that she made to you is exactly the kind of thing that a therapist can help your family navigate. See if she’ll agree to a set number of sessions with a counselor, say three to start. She may believe that it’s too late to address this rift, but as she grows and matures, she will likely grow to regret not trying.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com