Dear Eric: My son is divorced and has a contentious relationship with his ex-wife. They have three children together. I have left occasional communication open with his ex regarding my grandchildren due to my son’s lack of communication. If it weren’t for her, I would have missed important events in my grandchildren’s lives.

My son has a significant other living with him, and they feel it is disrespectful and hurtful, to both of them, to speak with his ex. I was told that I cannot have a relationship with them if I speak her name (the ex) in their presence even when speaking to the children.

— Tired of it All

Dear Tired: Your son’s edict about his ex’s name is too extreme. She’s the mother of his children; she’s not going to stop existing. I worry about the negative atmosphere this creates for their children. Not to mention the way it’s impacting you. This kind of behavior suggests that he’s not navigating his divorce in a healthy way.

But unfortunately, that’s a problem he needs to solve on his own.

By continuing to communicate with his ex, you risk creating a whole separate problem in your own relationship with him. Focus instead on the immediate need: you want to be a part of your grandchildren’s lives, and you need him to communicate with you better so that you can do it.

Dear Eric: My husband and I have a wonderful son, daughter-in-law, and two lovely young grandkids, all of whom live nearby. I babysit the children several times a week and host family dinner nights often. Occasionally, we help financially with purchases of items. Their place is quite small and not suitable for entertaining; they’re both gainfully employed but can’t afford a larger place right now. We’ve been asked to host events for them on several occasions. We have the time, space, means and willingness to do so, and give our best efforts.

My problem is that there is never any expression of gratitude except for general notes on greeting cards a couple times a year. This lack of acknowledgment largely extends to birthday and holiday gifts as well. A simple “thanks for hosting Steven’s birthday party for 18 people” or “that new appliance is really helping” would be enough.

I feel taken for granted. Are we expecting too much? — Sad Nana and Pop

Dear Nana and Pop: They should absolutely be thanking you, at the least, if not also offering to lighten the load of hosting. Yes, it can be easy for these gestures to fall into the cadence of family life and, thereby, get taken for granted. But that doesn’t make it OK.

To prevent this feeling from becoming a bigger obstacle, talk about it with your son and daughter-in-law. One opportunity may be at the next ask but it may be less charged to do so beforehand. Offer a gentle but clear reminder that you’re happy to host but that it takes work. Tell them that you know that they appreciate the work, but that it’s nice to have it acknowledged.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com