Dear Eric >> Over the past few years, more and more of my long-time friends have vanished from my life. One sent a message reading “I am retired,” and when asked how she was enjoying her retirement, sent the same message repeatedly as her reply. One asked me to vacation with her, and when I replied enthusiastically, never contacted me for a long time, only to send a bizarre meme two years later.

The latest was a woman I walk with occasionally. She began screaming at passers-by one morning and walked off. She did send me a message later saying, “you were upset.” I replied that I was worried about her and haven’t heard from her since. Is it me? Am I running folks off because I am being inappropriate somehow?

— Baffled Friend

Dear Friend >> This might be a perfect storm of multiple factors. It’s possible that some of your friends are experiencing mental health struggles, while others are going through age-appropriate changes in their capacity for social engagement, and you’re bearing the brunt of all of it. As folks age and their priorities shift, it’s common for some friendships to fade.

Part of this may be a communication issue. You received rather abrupt texts from your retired friend and the friend with the meme. It’s hard to read tone or intention over text sometimes. A call might be helpful in clarifying where you stand.

It’s also a good idea to get an outside eye on how you’re coming across and how you’re approaching friendship from a loved one or a counselor. You don’t need to get too deep into it, if you don’t want to, but a gut check or a simple “am I missing something” will put your mind at ease regarding the appropriateness of your behavior. Despite what’s going on with your friends, I hope you’re taking steps to avoid loneliness, which can be a major challenge for a lot of seniors. Consider exploring the programming options at a senior center or other community organization. You’ll find people who are in similar states of transition in their friendships and people who are interested in investing time in building new relationships.

Dear Eric >> My cousin and his second wife moved to the small town where I live. She has everything going for her, yet she can’t seem to stop complaining. My cousin urged/asked me to befriend her, so she’ll be happier here.

When we get together, which is frequently, I am stuck listening to her complain and complain. For example, she recently groused about a cruise they’re going on to celebrate a family wedding to which I was not invited. But there I sat, absorbing her beefs about the other guests and the itinerary she’s been lucky enough to have already visited. Meanwhile, my cousin stared at his phone and didn’t say anything.

It feels like in trying to become her friend, I’ve become her dumping ground instead. She’s an anxious person, so I understand that airing her griefs might be her way of processing anxiety. It’s starting to feel like this dynamic is the price of admission to see my cousin. My husband’s no help; plus, she doesn’t do this to him. So, I wonder, what would you do in my shoes?

— Dumped On

Dear Dumped On >> What you’re doing for your cousin and his wife is very nice. But niceness has its limits, and I think you’re just about there. Friendship is a two-way street but if she’s littering it with complaints, you’ve got to take a detour. You can be direct in the moment by saying something like, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. Can we change the subject to something more positive? It’ll help both of our moods.”

You can even interrupt your time together by excusing yourself or cutting the visit short when you’ve had enough. Being your cousin’s wife’s friend doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to give her an unlimited amount of your time and energy. You might even consider getting together less frequently. I know you want to see your cousin, but if your time is being monopolized by his wife, how much quality time are you getting anyway?

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com