Editor’s note: This “best-of” Helen Dennis column was first published in 2019.

Q: My husband and I recently retired, sold our home in Southern California and moved to Colorado to be closer to our son and grandchildren. That was my husband’s idea. I actually am tired of moving, having done it 14 times because of my husband’s work during our 50-year marriage. I reluctantly agreed to the move and now love being part of our children’s lives. Not so for my husband. He now wants to return to California because he misses his sports buddies and the friendliness of our community. Is there a solution?

— S.N.

A: There is a saying that “No matter where you go, there you are.” Perhaps the fundamental question is whether or not your husband is a happy person? If he is not, moving is unlikely to solve the problem. For purposes of this column, let’s assume your husband basically is content.

Joseph Coughlin, founder and director of the AgeLab at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, writes that retirees will spend nearly 8,000 days in their new retirement life stage, or about one-third of their lives. During that time, they may relocate multiple times. He suggests we develop a mindset of anticipating changes of desires, needs and resources that often shift with age.

Coughlin presents three fundamental questions to consider, which I have slightly modified.

“Will I have access to what I want and need throughout my retirement?” Most important, do you know what you want and need and how to get there? This is about access and mobility. Can you get to wherever you want to go? Are there transportation options if you can no longer drive? Will you continue to have access if your health declines?

“Does my former town have the same friends and family members as when I was living there?” It might be useful to do a friend-family inventory if that is the reason for a move. Accounting for natural attrition of older friends is an important consideration. Are there opportunities for new relationships that you are willing and or eager to pursue for a rich social life?

“Will health care be within my reach?” When you left California, hopefully both of you were in good health. That can quickly change. Coughlin points out that most of us can picture ourselves dead and therefore buy life insurance. Few can see ourselves with a debilitating health condition, and we tend to think any hospital or doctor will be just fine. Consider if a doctor is nearby. Is there a network of health providers? And can you get there?

These type of questions are not on a typical retirement brochure that pictures an idyllic experience. Yet, where we live has a profound impact on the quality of our lives.

S.N., you are not alone in wanting to be geographically close to your grandchildren. According to U.S. census data as quoted by Jane Brant Quinn in an AARP Bulletin, older people who move do it primarily for family reasons rather than health or finances.

Yet according to a report from the Transamerica Center for Retirement Studies, the biggest motivators for recent retirees who moved was downsizing to a smaller home, reducing expenses and starting a new life. Reasons for retirees to relocate may depend on whether the decision is made during the early or later retirement years.

Quinn adds that downsizing occurs less than we think. The census reports that about the same number of retirees want a larger house as want a smaller house. Rather than downsizing, it’s right sizing — wanting an extra room for grandchildren; an office, perhaps two; or the always-wanted art studio.

Here are some more specific questions to consider that can be used as a tool to better understand each other’s priorities. Answer them separately, then compare your answers and have a conversation.

What do you enjoy and love about your present location? What will you miss if you leave? What would make you look forward to moving back to Southern California? What would you dread, if anything? How do you currently spend your time daily? How would you spend your time in the new location? Is being near an airport a consideration? To what extent is weather a factor? Have you considered two homes — the current one and a West Coast residence? Will moving again affect your financial security? Determine areas of alignment and trade-offs, and negotiate.

S.N., thank you for your candor and important question. Consider reading the book “The Couple’s Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Creating an Amazing New Life Together,” by Roberta K. Taylor and Dorian Mintzer (Sourcebooks, 2014).

Best wishes for a fruitful negotiation and a good life!

Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her at facebook.com/SuccessfulAging Community.