Dear Abby >> My husband and I have been together 20 years, married for 12. We have weathered ex-spouses, step-parenting, nine military deployments between us, serious health issues and everyday normal life. My husband is an infinitely better person than I am, and I have always tried to care for him. We are in our early 40s and recently retired.

This year, our children will be out of the house, and we have bought a beautiful home in a dream location for the two of us to start our next adventure together. I love my husband, but over the last few years, almost everything he says makes me extremely angry or annoyed.

I have told my husband a little bit, and he says he feels like I no longer love him or need him. But, Abby, I do everything for him. I manage all our bills and finances. I cook three meals a day. I clean the house, the yard and the cars. I do everything he asks for if he needs help or assistance. I try to always be there if he needs to talk or vent. I stay in shape and available for him. I don’t know what else to do to make him feel loved and to make my anger go away. Please help.

— Mystified in North Carolina

Dear Mystified >> I’m not sure your husband is “an infinitely better person” than you are. I wish you had mentioned one thing that he does to make YOU feel loved and needed, because from where I sit, you have been shouldering the entire load. Your anger and resentment may stem from your awakening to this fact. Those feelings may dissipate if you discuss them with a marriage and family therapist, preferably with your husband.

Dear Abby >> I am 49. I grew up in a toxic, abusive household. My mother can’t drive. She’s broke and needs me. Up until the last few years, she has been a nightmare.

I’m a single mom of three children and I work A LOT. On weekends, I’d like to rest and try to have a social life, but my mother wants me to come nearly every Saturday to take her out and visit with the kids. She lives 45 minutes away and it’s an all-day endeavor.

Would it be selfish to visit only once a month? I need to focus more on myself and my needs. I don’t know what to do or what to suggest for my mother to do in my absence.

— No Life in South Carolina

Dear No life >> Explain that you need time for yourself and can only visit her once a month.

Do not expect her to like it, but you MUST take time for yourself to unwind and have a social life. Advise her that there may be a senior center near her that provides the transportation she needs for activities. Then stand your ground.

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