Dear Eric >> My sister is a little person and is currently unable to walk without a scooter or crutches. Last year she slipped and hurt her hip. She’s waiting to have surgery in another state. I am her only sibling that lives in this state.

She gave up driving a few years ago. When she wants to go somewhere, she relies on me. She has a son in his 20s who is very verbally abusive to me and to her.

I feel guilty when I’m not helping her but at the same time, I’m deeply hurt at the way she allows her son to be verbally abusive to me. He controls who she talks to and answers her texts with these abusive missives.

In response to me getting angry or standing up to myself, my sister blocked me. She will block me for about four or five days at a time.

My brother is the go-between, and he will communicate anything that I have to say to her for me.

She recently lost everything in a house fire her son started. I want to take her to the store to replace some things and bring her some clothes. But it’s very difficult when she won’t speak to me. I’m drained by the crushing need of helping her amidst the constant verbal abuse of her son. Am I wrong for still wanting to help her or should I just back off?

— Sister in the Middle

Dear Sister >> You’re not wrong for wanting to help her. You care about your sister’s well-being, and she’s asked for your assistance in the past. She’s also in a dangerous and difficult position with her son. So, your presence in her life can be an important resource, not just for help getting to the store, but as someone she can lean on to help her escape her son’s abuse.

Try to separate your sister from her son’s behavior. Her blocking you isn’t an appropriate response, but she may not feel she has a lot of options at her disposal and is choosing to control what she can. Talk to your brother about the concerns you have about your sister’s son and then talk to your sister away from her son. She may feel trapped in her circumstance, particularly since the fire. Assure her that help is available — from you, from her other siblings. And offer to help her create a safety plan, which can be implemented by those experiencing abuse, those preparing to escape an abusive relationship, and those who have left. You can find more information about safety plans at the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s site, TheHotline.org.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com