Dear Abby >> I have been with my wife for 40 years, including 32 years of marriage. I have done the best I could as a boyfriend, a fiance, a husband and a father to our two adult children, and I continue to do so today.

Until 10 years ago, I thought we had the best marriage possible. Then my wife entered menopause and everything changed. I realize how difficult that part of a woman’s life can be, and I helped her in whatever way I could. I have been patient, but she’s long past that difficult phase of her life, and since then she has become the most miserable, cold person I have ever known.

She has no physical interest in me and refuses to spend any time with me. She complains about everything I do and contradicts everything I say. Is this normal? What can I do stuck in what is now a terrible marital situation? I’m too old to start a new life. I am still interested in her as much as I always have been, but her abusive behavior is badly eroding my interest in staying in this relationship.

— Frustrated in Pennsylvania

Dear Frustrated >> Because a woman goes through menopause does not mean she automatically becomes cold and abusive. There is more wrong with your marriage than this hormonal shift. I don’t know what it is, and clearly neither do you.

Does your wife’s doctor know what may have caused her abrupt personality change? A thorough physical examination would be a logical place to start. After she has had one, make clear to her that if your marriage is going to survive you both must consult a marriage and family therapist. If she refuses, book some sessions without her. During the course of counseling, you may discover that your wife thinks divorce would be as much of a relief to her as it would be for you. The only thing you must not do is allow the status quo to continue.

Dear Abby >> I have a huge T-shirt collection — all different kinds: sports teams, schools, concerts, pop stars, vacation destinations. Many of them I bought, while some were gifts. I wear one every day when exercising at my gym.

Last month, I wore my Princeton T-shirt (a gift from a cousin who graduated from there). I love it it’s black with orange letters and an orange tiger. Some guy I have never seen before looked at my shirt, sneered and said, “You didn’t go there!” No, I didn’t, but I thought it was rude of him to say. I didn’t respond and walked away. But I thought about it later and wondered, should I have said something? What would you have done?

— Taken Aback in California

Dear Taken aback >> The person who made the comment was looking for an argument. You reacted wisely by not taking the bait. I would have done the same thing you did. And if I encountered him in the future, I’d keep my distance.

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