Dear Eric: Over the past few years, more and more of my long-time friends have vanished from my life. One sent a message reading “I am retired,” and when asked how she was enjoying her retirement, sent the same message repeatedly as her reply. One asked me to vacation with her, and when I replied enthusiastically, never contacted me for a long time, only to send a bizarre meme two years later.

The latest was a woman I walk with occasionally. She began screaming at passers-by one morning and walked off. She did send me a message later saying, “you were upset.” I replied that I was worried about her and haven’t heard from her since.

Now I have no friends. We are all retirement age. Are they descending into mental ill-health as a result of the pandemic, or is it me? Am I running folks off because I am being inappropriate somehow?

— Baffled Friend

Dear Friend: This might be a perfect storm of multiple factors. It’s possible that some of your friends are experiencing mental health struggles, while others are going through age-appropriate changes in their capacity for social engagement, and you’re bearing the brunt of all of it. As folks get older and their priorities shift, it’s common for some friendships to fade. (However, bigger shifts in personality or energy levels can indicate a problem, like depression or cognitive issues. So that’s something to look out for.)

Part of this may be a communication issue. You received rather abrupt texts from your retired friend and the friend with the meme. It’s hard to read tone or intention over text sometimes. A call might be helpful in clarifying where you stand.

Consider exploring the programming options at a senior center or other community organization. You’ll find people who are in similar states of transition in their friendships and people who are interested in investing time in building new relationships.

Dear Eric: My cousin and his second wife moved to the small town where I live. She has everything going for her, yet she can’t seem to stop complaining. My cousin urged/asked me to befriend her, so she’ll be happier here.

When we get together, which is frequently, I am stuck listening to her complain and complain. It feels like in trying to become her friend, I’ve become her dumping ground instead. It’s starting to feel like this dynamic is the price of admission to see my cousin. So, I wonder, what would you do in my shoes?

— Dumped On

Dear Dumped On: Friendship is a two-way street but if she’s littering it with complaints, you’ve got to take a detour. Being your cousin’s wife’s friend doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to give her an unlimited amount of your time and energy.

You might even consider getting together less frequently. I know you want to see your cousin, but if your time is being monopolized by his wife, how much quality time are you getting anyway?

Decide in advance how much time you’ll commit to complaints and when it’s up, skedaddle.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.