Dear Abby >> My ex-husband was found dead in his home three months ago. He was a bitter man who never forgave me for leaving him. We were divorced for 30 years before his death and have two children and four beautiful grandchildren. For years, he bitterly complained to our children and refused to attend special events because I left him. When there were issues, he refused to help, insisting it was my fault because I had left.

The truth is, I left after I walked in on him having sex with my older sister. Neither of them saw me, and I never told him. Now he’s gone. My sister, who recently lost her husband, keeps talking to me about my ex-husband, saying how good-looking he was. It makes me sick.

I loved my husband when I left him, but I could never forgive him. I wish I had said something to him when he was alive, but it’s too late. Every time my sister speaks of him, I get so upset. I want to confront her about it but fear it would do more harm than good. His death has turned my world upside down. I am so confused.

— Hurt in the East

Dear Hurt >> You SHOULD have told your ex the reason you left before you did it. I can’t imagine why you stayed silent. While some couples manage to move beyond infidelity, many do not, and you had a valid reason for divorcing him.

The next time your sister starts talking about how good-looking your ex was, do something you should have done decades ago. Tell her you have known for 30 years how attractive she found him because you walked in on them in flagrante, which is why you walked OUT. I see nothing to be gained by not speaking up at this point, except more pain and turmoil for yourself.

Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.