Dear Eric: My husband has just one sibling, a brother. For many years, we all invited each other to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and other holidays. A few years ago, my brother-in-law and his wife stopped inviting us. (They still invite my husband’s parents to everything).

We don’t know the reason; there was no fight or misunderstanding or awkward interactions. We in turn no longer invite them to our smaller occasions. Weddings and other big occasions are different; everyone is invited.

However, every time we are celebrating our birthdays or anniversary, my husband starts insisting on inviting his brother. No matter how many times I remind him that they no longer invite us, he says it is still his only sibling and it’s important to him that his brother be there.

I refuse to agree to invite them, the only exception I make is for my husband’s birthday because that’s him we are celebrating so he can invite them if he wants. They attend his birthday but do not reciprocate. It’s very weird.

I still cannot figure out why it’s important to have people at our table that do not care about seeing us at theirs.

Can you help me formulate a response that would stop my husband from asking me to invite them? Apparently my saying no every time for years and explaining why is not sufficient. I am tired of these arguments, and it does not change anything. I need an ironclad reason that he will agree with.

— Tired of the One-Way Street

Dear Street: You and your husband are both operating from a place of hurt feelings, which is understandable. And you’re trying to find a way to balance the scales — a slight for a slight. But what you really want is to not be hurt at all. And so, trading slights is not going to get you there.

Ask the brother-in-law and his wife why they stopped inviting you and ask that they start again. They might agree, they might refuse, they might claim that you stopped inviting them first. There’s no way to know without a conversation.

No matter what, talking about it puts the focus where it should be: the misalliance between the households, rather than the conflict between you and your husband.

He’s not holding this position to spite you, and I don’t believe you’re holding your position to spite him either. But meeting his request with an unbudging “no” is only going to hurt the two of you.

The brother-in-law and his wife may be treating you unfairly, but there’s no reason you should let that unfairness poison the relationship between you and your husband. If he wants to invite his brother, even if the invites aren’t reciprocated, what is the harm?

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.