Dear Eric >> This is probably an odd question. A very large percentage of the time, more than 50 percent, when I come home from being out (lunch/shopping/whatever), my husband is in the restroom. The powder room is right next to his office and sometimes I’ve tried to open the door, and it’s locked, which seems odd since he’s the only one in the house. I guess it could be a coincidence, but it just seems odd. Is this something to worry about?

— Too Much Rest Room

Dear Room >> Nope.

If you’re concerned that increased bathroom usage indicates a health problem, you can ask him. But chances are he just likes to use the restroom while the house is empty.

As to the lock, again you can ask. But if you’re already going around trying to open closed bathroom doors, it makes sense that he’d turn the latch for privacy.

Dear Eric >> My family moved out of state to cut ties with my husband’s verbally and emotionally abusive mother. One brother did the same.

The last brother engaged in a horrific divorce, succumbed to drugs and alcohol and lives in my MIL’s basement. My husband eventually took his own life, and so now I live alone in a state six hours away.

My nephew (and godson) has been living in that household, being subjected to this abuse at the hands of his father and his grandmother. I have invited him to stay with me as he keeps calling and crying to me that he wants to be “normal” like my three kids; he wants to “break the cycle.”

I’ve laid down boundaries and directed him to employment openings in my area. My biggest worry is what to do if he messes up? Or starts imitating the dynamics of the family? How many chances should he get? Can you help with an exit strategy?

If he lies, gets fired, drinks, or something I haven’t imagined, can I put him out in a state where he knows no one? He is saving for a car but has totaled two, plus a motorcycle, in the past. Thank you for any insight you can provide.

— Protective Aunt

Dear Aunt >> It’s wise of you to think through in advance the different ways that this could go. There are always unknowns when you invite a relative to live with you, plus you’ll be in a de facto parental role. So, boundaries and expectations should be crystal clear.

Consequences should be crystal clear as well. If lying, drinking or getting fired are deal breakers for you, you should tell him that in advance, put it in writing and mutually acknowledge the consequence. And that consequence can be that he has to move back home, if that’s what you want.

One of your objectives is helping your nephew mature and flourish in a safe environment. Understanding consequences is part of that maturation.

As you set consequences, however, think carefully about which behaviors are unacceptable even once and which behaviors are opportunities for improvement. You have to protect yourself, your home and your peace, so I understand your concern. But it’s also helpful to think about the context that your nephew is coming from. He may benefit from both clear, strong consequences and gentle leeway where appropriate.