There’s a moment in the middle of “Red One” — the Christmas-themed action comedy starring Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans — where you witness the movie roll over and die. Time of death? A slap contest during Krampusnacht, in which a bunch of extras wearing rubber monster masks foraged from the set of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” watch as an unrecognizable Kristofer Hivju, as Krampus, and Johnson take turns walloping each other across the face. Momentum grinds to a halt as the absurdities and indignities that unfolded before this point are all but forgotten, lost in badly rendered pixels. The rest of the film is a limp to the finish line — not that it was all that spry to begin with.

But is it sinewy? Yes. “Red One,” with a story by Hiram Garcia (Johnson’s former brother-in-law and producing partner), is a film premised upon the most trenchant of questions: What if Santa Claus was jacked? J.K. Simmons provides the biceps as the St. Nick in question, and as a buff Father Christmas, that means every element of the holiday is also jacked: the snowmen, the polar bears and even the elves, or, the E.L.F. (Enforcement, Logistics, Fortitude), his security team, headed up by Callum Drift (Johnson) clad in red and green leathers.

Cal has been keeping Santa safe for hundreds of years, and on the eve of his retirement right before Christmas, Santa is snatched from the North Pole by a mysterious high-tech team. Cal’s only chance to track down Santa is to team up with the hacker-for-hire who geolocated Santa’s workshop, Jack O’Malley (Evans), a wise-cracking cynic who has never been a believer.

Directed by Jake Kasdan and written by Chris Morgan, “Red One” is supposed to be a sort of odd-couple buddy comedy, or at least it takes the recognizable shape of one among all the dodgy CGI and Christmas puns they keep throwing our way. Unfortunately, Johnson and Evans have a dearth of screen chemistry.

Johnson, who normally exudes an excess of charisma, excels when he’s playing tough guys (The “Fast and Furious” franchise) or against type (“Jumanji,” “Central Intelligence”). In “Red One,” he’s both and neither. Cal is a tough guy but also not of this world. He has a certain Amelia Bedelia quality in which he takes every sarcastic quip of Jack’s literally, his reactions played for laughs that fall flat.

Johnson and Evans never find their groove, and while Evans’ deadbeat cad routine is rote for him at this point, Johnson feels adrift, never locking in to a specific tone.

But this is splitting hairs when everything else swirling around them is so dreadful. The jokes don’t land, the action sequences are shockingly awful and none of these celebrities seem to be having fun.

Simmons’ role isn’t much more than a cameo, as he spends most of the movie asleep in a fishbowl, trapped there by Kiernan Shipka’s Christmas witch Gryla. Lucy Liu is at least adept at playing the stern director of the organization for controlling mythological creatures. They’re going for a holiday-themed “Mission: Impossible” or “Jason Bourne” vibe, which is amusing for all of five minutes.

“Red One” is a confounding project that tries to please all audiences and is so bad that it ends up being for none.

The best part is when Evans, as Jack, attempts to explain the whole mess to his son and ends up describing the inexplicable and ridiculous plot in a hilariously literal manner.

Pull the Christmas cookies out of the oven, because this “Red One” is overdone.

MPA rating: PG-13 (for action, some violence, and language)

Running time: 2:03

How to watch: In theaters