Dear Eric >> My daughter and her boyfriend got an apartment together about four years ago. They’ve been dating about eight years. They seem committed and happy and in love, but they split their living expenses like they are two roommates 50/50. My daughter makes about half of what her boyfriend does. I know she does more of the cleaning, shopping, pet care while her boyfriend spends his money on frivolous purchases.

I am protective of my daughter and want to make sure she knows that, generally, when couples are in love and living together and committed, they co-mingle their funds and don’t worry about keeping score. Is that still true in this day and age?

I also know that my daughter is sometimes reluctant to stick up for herself or expect more. Should I talk to my daughter and explain that generally committed loving partners support each other emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and ... financially? Or perhaps I should talk to her boyfriend, man to man, and explain that, if he loves my daughter, he wouldn’t want her to stress about money. Another part of me says that they are both adults and can make their own decisions and I should keep quiet.

— Unmarried Daughter’s Pop

Dear Pop >> Your concern is understandable, but you’ll want to make sure that any action you take doesn’t undermine your daughter or the decisions she’s made for herself. Many couples combine finances, but many others don’t, and it works just fine for them.

The way we spend our money reflects our values. So, if you want to talk to your daughter, start with a conversation about financial goals and motivations for spending and saving. Listening to how she sees her financial landscape may offer insight into why she’s chosen to organize her household finances like this.

Then ask if she’s open to advice (and heed the answer). If you feel that there’s a better way for the two of them to plan for their future, share that. Is the boyfriend contributing a portion of his income to a joint savings account or stock portfolio, perhaps?

She may or may not take your advice, and that’s OK. I’d hold off on criticizing the boyfriend’s frivolous spending, though. That’s not really your concern and will muddy the waters. The chance that you’re offering is one from which we all could benefit: someone more experienced helping us to make smart financial decisions.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.