What the McAlberts are to the Town of Canton, the Lawn family is to Watertown.

A bunch of privileged, drunk bullies lording it over everybody, costing the taxpayers millions and generally embarrassing the hell out of the decent, law-abiding citizenry.

By now, you’ve heard about the drunkard Democrat state rep, John Lawn, just inducted into the State House Alcohol of Fame.

He was arrested by Boston cops for OUI early Wednesday morning after getting smashed and then smashing into half the cars around the State House, after which he informed cops, “I am a state rep,” and then asked for an Uber — three times.

The Watertown wastrel took “full responsibility” for his actions in court yesterday and then pleaded not guilty. So much for taking full responsibility…

Here’s something you may not have read in the BPD incident report, about what happened after the reprobate rep was taken to the Nashua Street jail. The intake nurse asked him for a urine sample and handed him a cup.

“While going into the cell,” the BPD report states, “the suspect placed the urine sample cup on the counter inside the cell and attempted to pee into the cup while it was on the counter.”

Just how drunk were you, Mr. Chairman?

“Officers asked the suspect to do it at the toilet. The suspect proceeded to pee into the cup and after he finished urinating, he emptied the contents of the cup into the toilet and gave the empty cup to the nurse.”

Talk about a bad ice cube….

“Officers observed that the suspect may have urinated on himself as there were wet spots on his shirt and pants.”

For this the statesman is paid $135,060 a year, because he is a committee chairman. How much would we have to pay him if he didn’t wet himself after getting knee-walking drunk? He also flunked the sidewalk Olympics, including the one-leg stand.

It’s hard to stand on one leg when you’re legless. I thought every legislator knew that.

Another Lawn, another scandal. They’re Watertown’s political wannabees — K-Mart Kennedys, as they used to be called. And of course to be K-Mart Kennedy, you need to have multiple kinsmen slurping at the trough for big bucks.

It’s the hackerama!

Meet the solon’s sibling, Sheila Lawn, “Sis.” She used to be married to Dennis Lehane, the writer. Now she’s “first assistant clerk magistrate,” in Brighton District Court I believe, for $145,734 a year. Apparently she’s been out-hacked for the job of clerk once or twice.

Ya can’t win ‘em all, even if you’re a Lawn.

Next, we have brother Michael Lawn, the former police chief of Watertown. Working for the WPD was the only job he ever had, or so he said when he retired in July 2022, which was four months before his former cop girlfriend won $4 million in a state lawsuit against the town for sexual harassment.

The plaintiff’s name is Kathleen E. Donahue, and in her suit she says Michael Lawn “invited her to engage in an intimate relationship with him. She could not and did not resist.”

Relationships with the Lawns never last long. Just ask Dennis Lehane. In her complaint, Donahue mentioned the nice text messages she got from the then-lieutenant after their acrimonious breakup one day after Mrs. Lawn discovered what was going on in 2015.

Take it away, Chief Lawn:

“’I’m (bleeping) out of my mind; You know what (bleep) off’; ‘Call your lawyer;’ ‘Bleep you;’ ‘Good bye take me down. U don’t own me. Get that’; ‘I want u out of my life.’ He angrily told her he had ruined her career.”

That wasn’t true of course. Soon Lawn was the chief, succeeding a guy named Ed Deveau. Let Donahue explain what Chief Deveau was known for:

“His misconduct included his exposing himself to a woman officer as well as engaging in other forms of harassment and disparate treatment.”

It’s a wonderful department, positively Canton-like. Lt. James O’Connor was Lawn’s cousin. As the chief mentioned in his farewell interview after all his years on the job:

“Being able to work with my Dad, being able to work with my sister — who was here for a few years, and more recently with my nephew….”

I checked the state Comptroller’s payroll. By an incredible coincidence, since 2022, the year he retired and his ex-gal pal got $4 million from the town, on the state payroll there’s been a Michael Lawn listed as a “per diem security staffing specialist Trial Ct.”

He made $37,390 last year working part-time. So far this year Lawn has pocketed $12,839.

Rep. Lawn appeared in court yesterday. He was represented by Timothy Flaherty of Cambridge, who also represents horny Cambridge City Councilor Paul Boner, I mean Toner, the accused john. Like Chief Lawn before him, Boner was just trying to put the “sex” back in Middlesex County.

Lawn’s lawyer Flaherty is the son of former House speaker and convicted felon Good Time Charlie Flaherty.

Flaherty himself was suspended from the bar a few years back. Something about witness tampering. But now he’s back. By the way, Flaherty himself is a politician of sorts. He tried to run for the state Senate after then-incumbent Anthony Galluccio went down on a rap for, you guessed it, drunk driving.

Jail-uccio, as he was known after he was locked up in Billerica, was the hack who while on house arrest claimed he was still testing drunk on the breathalyzer because of his toothpaste. Jailuccio never specified whether he was brushing with Arm and Hammered, or Michelob Ultra Brite, or maybe Harvey’s Bristol Gleam.

But Jail-uccio is yesterday’s drunkard. Today it’s John “Get Off My” Lawn. He is a hack’s hack, as you can see from his state campaign finance reports.

Just this year alone, at least eight former legislators have donated to the drunkard Democrat. Not to mention a bunch of other lobbyists who list their job titles as “regulatory affairs” or “government relations” or “policy advisor.”

On March 31, the Boston Police Patrolmen’s Association (BPPA) PAC gave Rep. Lawn $500. On Wednesday morning, members of that very same union arrested their patron.

That right there is a hard fall, for any hack. You know you’re having a bad night when your own cops put the cuffs on you.

What made Milwaukee famous has made a loser out of John Lawn.