To engage or not engage.

I often hear from families that their loved ones are no longer interested in past hobbies or activities. Losing interest in activities once enjoyed is a common experience, as individuals with dementia, particularly in the early to mild stages, may stop engaging in activities they once enjoyed. They may also stop engaging because they can no longer perform the activity or have lost interest.

Consider, for example, reading. Those people who read for enjoyment begin to struggle when they first show signs of short-term memory loss. Stories have beginnings, middles and ends, and they develop characters who interact with one another along a story arc, bringing the story from its opening to a conclusion. Those who struggle with memory quickly lose interest in stories they can’t follow.

Other aspects of dementia that lead to reduced interest in activities, whether once enjoyed or not, include depression or apathy, challenges with coordination and motor skills, confusion, fatigue or even physical health issues. Those with dementia can also fail to recognize the significance of an activity, like playing a favorite game or listening to music they once enjoyed — or even a lack of encouragement when they struggle.

As you care for your loved one going through this challenging life change, perhaps the most crucial advice is to adjust your expectations. Be patient and flexible. Some days, they may engage more than others. We should encourage even brief participation in an activity, which is beneficial.

Another approach is simplifying or adapting an activity they once enjoyed to their abilities. If your loved one enjoys reading, try reading aloud, which can be stimulating for someone with dementia, even if they don’t follow the story arc or forget who the characters are. If they once enjoyed painting but now struggle with motor skills, they might enjoy finger painting.

You might also try introducing new activities where your loved one can experience success. Choose activities that stimulate the mind, body and other senses. Essential oils like lavender or lemon, for example, can be calming and help reduce anxiety. Peppermint or rosemary can be very stimulating.

Make up a game about identifying the scent. It doesn’t matter if they get it wrong. Even people without dementia can struggle to identify scents.

Help your loved one get started on any activity to improve your chances of success.

Then, watch to ensure they don’t become frustrated with the activity. If your loved one isn’t interested in engaging, you might try sitting together quietly or playing music they once enjoyed. Music has a fantastic power on the mind, bringing up memories that may get them talking and engaging in conversation.

Whatever you choose, learn patience. You can’t make them remember, and you can’t change their thinking or behavior.

Telling them they “already asked that question” won’t stop repetitive questions. Building patience and compassion can help you succeed despite memory loss and repetition.