My loved one does not recognize their memory impairment.

People unfamiliar with dementia are surprised to learn that someone with the disease often doesn’t know, or won’t admit, they suffer from it.

On the other hand, families affected by the disease know this all too well. Mom won’t acknowledge her memory impairment, sometimes because the consequences mean a loss of independence. Dad won’t stop driving despite his declining ability to make good decisions behind the wheel.

People with dementia rarely acknowledge the extent of their impairment despite ample signs and flat-out refusal to move to memory care, even when it’s the only safe option for them to be independent.

In many cases, the person with dementia is somewhat aware of their impairment but refuses to admit it, fearing a loss of independence. This denial often leads to belligerence and combativeness. Denial reflects those who see a problem but can’t accept that it needs to be addressed.

On the other hand, it’s not uncommon for some people to be genuinely unaware of their condition. There’s a word for this: anosognosia. It derives from the Greek words nosos (disease) and gnosis (knowledge), with the “a” at the beginning adding “without.”

As a medical condition, anosognosia is a cognitive disability that leaves a person unaware of a disability and usually results from physiological damage to brain structures. So, while the term doesn’t specifically refer to people with dementia, the two are nonetheless intertwined.

For families caring for a loved one with dementia, navigating anosognosia can be more frustrating than dealing with memory lapses. A person with anosognosia believes they are competent to care for themselves. They may refuse medication and medical care, won’t see a doctor, and decline neurological testing.

The situation for families of someone with anosognosia is challenging, at best. They see their loved ones’ abilities declining daily but can’t convince them they are no longer safe alone in the kitchen. They can’t take away the keys to the car when it’s too dangerous to drive. They can’t assert control over their finances because their loved one isn’t aware of their memory impairment.

Whether your loved one is in denial about their memory impairment or unaware of it, you can’t convince them. The one constant across families dealing with dementia is that you can never win an argument based on facts your loved one denies or doesn’t recognize. Insisting them to accept reality will only cause your loved one to become agitated and more resistant. The resulting bad feelings will undermine what relationship remains and cause tension, which only adds to the frustration you’re already experiencing.

My recommendation for both anosognosia and denial is similar. First, step into your loved one’s reality and imagine yourself in the same situation, which leads to empathy.

Then, learn and practice the validation approach that seeks to validate your loved one’s feelings, however distorted.

Listen to them, be empathetic, and reassure them everything will be okay. Never confront your loved ones with facts or disagree with their perceptions.

Instead, patiently listen and find a creative way to address the most serious situations.

If you need help or a support group, visitfamilyconnectmemorycare.com or call 310-383-1877 for more information.