Dear Abby >> I’ve known “Bianca” since high school. She’s my neighbor and godmother to my son. I consider her a sister, and we travel and spend holidays together. Our families get along well.

A month ago, my body started aching all over. I have been feeling sick, and my doctor is trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. One day, Bianca and I ran into each other, and I told her I was feeling really sick. She replied, “Stop saying that. Sick, sick, sick. No! Better to say that you are in pain but not sick!” (It was an order.) Abby, Bianca’s comment took me aback. I told her I can’t complain to my loved ones all the time and I thought I could share with her. She told me she gets worried every time I do it.

I complained to her only a couple of times in a three-week period. I’m so sad. Bianca is my best friend. We talk on the phone, but not as often as we used to. I know she realized immediately that she had hurt me, but she didn’t apologize. I’m not holding a grudge, but now I’m more careful about what I say. What are your thoughts on this?

— Censored in Ecuador

Dear Censored >> I am trying to decide if your friend Bianca may be so empathetic that when you mention your physical pain she experiences it, too, or whether she’s just plain insensitive. Whatever the cause of her inability to listen to you discuss your symptoms, if you want this friendship to last, you are going to have to accept that she isn’t up to the challenge and find another outlet. Consider asking your physician for a referral.

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