Dear Eric: I recently left a members-only business network group to which I belonged for half of my professional life. I was always a very active member of the group. Every year, I consistently gave many more client referrals than I received. I was happy overall with the business sent my way, so I kept renewing my membership and didn’t complain about the unbalanced ledger. Plus, I believe that it is better to err on the side of generosity. I had good long-term relationships with everyone, whether we did business together or not, we knew each other’s spouses and sometimes entertained the group in our homes.

In the last couple of years, I started experiencing rude and obnoxious behavior toward me, outright lying, powerplays and subpar service levels provided by some of the members. Also, the inbound referrals to me almost stopped. I have asked a few members for advice, and they could not think of anything I should do differently to be more referable.

I am puzzled why I would get this treatment after bringing all this business to the group members, again some reciprocal and some not, doing many things for the group, helping it grow, etc. Should I have been less generous?

During my last few weeks there, I cringed on the day of our meetings, that’s how toxic and unpleasant the energy felt there.

I belong to other professional groups, some also for years, and it is like night and day. Is karma still a thing? And if so, why did I get so much bad in return for so much good? I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. I just wish I knew what the mistakes were!

— No Longer in Network

Dear Network: I don’t see mistakes here. You put a good faith effort into improving this group and providing referrals for the benefit of the networks and the network did not rise to meet you. It sounds like there were perhaps some members who were out for themselves and that might have skewed your experience as well. But I believe you’re correct that generosity is often the best tactic.

In the future, however, if you feel you’re not being treated fairly, or that you’re not getting enough value from something for which you’re paying — with time or energy — I hope you’ll feel empowered to speak up and ask for what’s rightfully yours. This will help prevent the feeling of being taken advantage of. You can still be generous while being assertive.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com.