“Even when I’m surrounded by people, I feel completely alone.” This is how my client Savannah described the persistent ache she’d been carrying for months — a feeling many of us know all too well. This is what I call “emotional loneliness” — that hollow feeling when you’re physically surrounded by people but disconnected. It’s the loneliness of being unknown, unseen, unheard in any meaningful way.

Emotional loneliness can show up in lots of different situations — after a move while still establishing our new social network; when we’re dealing with challenges that feel too big or personal to share in our current relationships; or when we realize the relationships we have aren’t meeting our deeper emotional needs.

Folks I’ve met who experience emotional loneliness tend to have core values around depth of connection, vulnerability and authenticity. They’ll dread small talk but light up in one-on-one conversations that go deeper. Like Savannah, they’re not looking for a packed social calendar — they want one or two people they can turn to, confide in, and truly be themselves with.

When we recognize that this is the type of loneliness we’re experiencing, we can start addressing it more intentionally. Here are some tools I’ve collected over the years:

Self-connection. Even when we are missing deeper connection with others, we can always connect in a meaningful way with ourselves. This might be through journaling, artistic expression, or mindful check-ins and noticing and allowing our full spectrum of emotions and needs. When we are more fully connected to ourselves, we are much more capable of deeply connecting with others.

Practice connection with nature and animals. During phases of loneliness, it can feel nourishing to spend more time outdoors and with plants and animals. There is a quality of presence, peace, and ease that many of us can tap into when we commune with the Earth.

Don’t overuse distraction. Although, we might try to beat our loneliness by distracting ourselves with overworking, screen time, or projects, it’s important to not overuse distraction as a strategy. It may feel like a relief in the short term, but does not address our root needs in the bigger picture.

Invite others to go deeper. Rather than floating along on the current of small talk, proactively invite people to engage in a more meaningful way. Some will gladly welcome the shift; others will drift back into surface-level stuff. Either way, you’re planting seeds for growing connections with people who value diving deeper — and making conversations more interesting for yourself. Instead of “What do you do?” try “What’s the best and worst part of your job?” Rather than “What do you do for fun?” ask “What is the most interesting thing you’ve read, listened to, or seen recently?”

Practice vulnerability. Building deeper relationships requires us to reveal more of ourselves. When we share vulnerably and authentically, it invites others to step into a little more of themselves too. At a pace that feels comfortable, share more personal stories and observe how it goes. Does the other person listen actively, show interest, and reciprocate? If so, this might help deeper connection grow over time. (I love Brené Brown’s marble jar analogy for how to build trust and vulnerability with people gradually.)

Work with a professional. Sometimes, connecting with a therapist or other provider can be supportive in having a space to go deeper and have support in taking the steps to create deeper emotional connections in your life.

The antidote to emotional loneliness isn’t more people — it’s more truth with the right people. It’s learning to spot who’s actually interested when you share something real, and gradually letting those relationships deepen. Our desire for authentic connection is telling us something important about who we are. Listen to it. Let it be the guide toward relationships that matter.

What type of loneliness have you been navigating lately? Do you have a question about loneliness that you’d like me to explore in a future column?

I aim to provide compassionate and practical guidance. Submit below if you’d like my perspective on your question or circumstance in a future column.

Tiffany Skidmore is a mental health and life coach who specializes in life transitions and anxiety. Email your questions and feedback to tiffanyskidmore.com">tiffany@tiffanyskidmore.com or submit them anonymously at tinyurl.com/thelifecoach. Visit tiffanyskidmore.com to learn more.