Readers share ideas for older adults longing for connection

Dear Readers: I published two letters from older adults struggling to find a connection (“still grieving” and “wants a connection”). I asked those of you who have successfully found friendship and romantic partnership at a later stage in life to write in.

I shared some of those responses last week and, as promised, more today.

In 2023, United States Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, MD, released a Surgeon General Advisory on what he termed “the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection in our country.” Even before the pandemic, he said, approximately half of U.S. adults reported experiencing measurable levels of loneliness.

You’re not alone. But there are solutions in the letters below and also in the book “Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner” by Meghan Keane. It has practical and witty guidance for people of every age and stage of life.

Dear Eric: After being widowed at 48 after a 28-year marriage, it did take me a bit of time to go through a grief process and reconnect. One conclusion I came to: Divorced people need divorced people, and widowed people need other widowed people. Then I discovered that a good connection was someone already “in my circle.” My close friend passed away, and I ended up marrying her husband who I had not known when I knew her. We married after getting to know each other over two and a half years and have already had eight wonderful years together in this new chapter.

— Find Your People

Dear Find Your People: I’m so glad you found this new love. I think your point about finding those who can share and help us process life challenges is apt.

Dear Eric: When a friend moved to Salt Lake City and was looking to meet his neighbors without joining the church, I recommended he visit and join a Toastmasters club. He did and made many positive contacts. As an international communication and leadership organization, Toastmasters club meetings welcome guests who enjoy hearing the stories or experiences of others, and give people an opportunity to mentor and befriend others. Writing and practicing speeches has the benefit of keeping someone’s brain active and looking forward not backward.

— Toastmasters Member

Dear Toastmasters: I love Toastmasters and any opportunity to build the capacity for communication and storytelling.

Dear Eric: I joined groups related to two of the things that most interested me: politics and writing. At the writers group, I met a woman with whom I seemed to have nothing whatsoever in common — but one conversation after another happened, and somehow or other, we were soon the closest of friends. We still are.

At the online discussion group, I began having conversations with one man. That led to exchanging phone numbers, which led to long calls, which led to FaceTime calls, which led to visits, which led to a loving relationship. I didn’t join either activity with the goal of meeting anyone. I joined with the goal of pursuing interests in which I was already interested.

— Happy Byproduct

Dear Happy: Yes! The most important thing is following your interests and joys.

Dear Eric: I think most adults are insincere, self- absorbed, back-stabbing, two-faced jerks, but people who do volunteer work tend to be among the most genuine, compassionate, loving and lovable people I’ve met. Plus, wherever one volunteers, they’ll likely encounter others with similar passions and interests.

— Giving Back

Dear Giving Back: Wow, this took a turn, didn’t it? While I don’t hold as low an opinion of people in general, we share the love of volunteer work. And it can introduce you to people who care about the things you care about.

Dear Eric: My wife and I retired and moved to a small town. I needed to find a pool as I swim daily. I signed up at the local YMCA. It takes a bit of time, but you start talking to the people around you and who you see every day. We now have so many friends that we met at the Y, it’s as if we grew up in this town.

— Swim Meet

Dear Swim Meet: A great result. Physical activity at the gym, a Y or a senior center, even if one doesn’t exercise, can bring about many social connections.

Send questions to eric@ askingeric.com.