Dear Eric: My home has been the gathering place for family functions for years. I was the family event planner, organizing trips, putting down the deposits and planning holidays. You name it I did it. It was very stressful, but I did it for family unity.

I decided to shut down all family functions at my home (with the exception of my children and grandchildren) after I experienced an unexpected job layoff that lasted two years. I asked family members for financial help, but I received so many excuses of why they could not help me. I understood.

However, during this period I was still asked, “What are the plans for XYZ?” Are you kidding me? I was barely meeting my financial needs. I kindly informed them “I am not hosting anymore family functions. Someone else needs to take on the reins.” Well, no one did. I eventually gained employment and enjoyed a wonderful career. Now I’m enjoying retirement.

I have gotten snarky comments over the years whenever I post pictures of my children and grandchildren enjoying ourselves, e.g. “Oh, you went on vacation and did not tell anyone. I wanted to go, too.” I usually ignore these comments. (I guess with retirement I can finally read the comments versus zooming through them). But it’s starting to rile me up. Should I say something? — Host with the Most

Dear Host: Ooh, there’s very little that burns my biscuits more than a passive-aggressive social media comment.

“Where’s my invite?” I don’t know; where’s your down payment? Some people see gentle needling as the same as a compliment or benign conversation.

I heartily disagree.

You’re, rightfully, still feeling frustration about the fact that your family didn’t rise to the occasion when you had to step back from hosting. It’s about financial support, yes, but it’s also about values.

It’s easy to feel like your efforts were taken for granted back then. And comments about your present excursions likely feel the same. What you want is for someone to say “I see how hard you worked to make things nice for our family. Thank you; I appreciate you. We should have made things nice for you, too, but I’m happy you have the time and means to create memories and enjoy yourself now.” If you’re not hearing it from them, hear it from me: I’m happy for you; you deserve this.

Every time one of those comments riles you up, pull up a photo album from a recent trip and remind yourself that some people just talk about plans (or type about them), and some people do them. You’re a doer.

Send questions to R.

Eric Thomas at eric@ askingeric.com.