Dear Abby: I have been married 10 years. My husband is from another country, and the last six years haven’t been easy. I’ve been the sole provider for our family, on the advice of our lawyer, while we were getting his paperwork complete (my husband refused to work illegally). I have stood by this man through thick and thin and endured his verbal, emotional and even a little physical abuse, I’m ashamed to admit.

The final straw came when he was having a bad day and threw a tantrum in public because our toddler was crying. After he smashed his fishing pole, I told him his behavior was childish and ignorant. He told me he would show me “childish” when we got home. I took my child and have been staying with my mom for the last six months. (I also have to mention that my husband has been going through undiagnosed mental crises since COVID.)

Since we left, he has realized how badly he treated me and seems to be getting help on his issues. Should I trust that he’s changed to be a better man, or do I walk away? He’s a great father and was a stay-at-home dad until he started working right after I left. I never want my child to think it’s OK to be abused or, heaven forbid, treat someone else that way.

— Bewildered in Indiana

Dear Bewildered: I agree that tolerating mistreatment sets a terrible example for your child. You state that your husband “seems” to be getting professional help for his issues. Before making the decision to reunite or walk away, punt. Make sure he is getting the help he says he is and not just romancing you. Joining him during some sessions with his therapist might reassure you and prove beneficial for both of you IF you decide to remain married to him.

Dear Abby: I have had a friend since junior high. We have kept in touch off and on over the years. The last few years, she and her hubby have wanted to visit us more often. We have visited them in their state, too. When we are their guests, we always go all out to show our appreciation for them hosting us by taking them out for dinners, etc.

During their last visit, we made nice dinners and provided alcohol, which her husband drank most of. He bought himself more but didn’t think to get us anything. There was also never an offer to take us out, not even to breakfast, although they took themselves out several times. We felt taken advantage of. We have decided we no longer want to host them because of their selfishness. How do I tell my friend the next time they ask to come? I know they will.

— Feeling Used in Colorado

Dear Feeling Used: The next time the woman calls and asks to visit, tell her it “isn’t convenient” or you have “other plans” and will be unable to host her and her husband. Then suggest they make a reservation at a nice hotel. I’m betting they won’t take you up on it, and you’ll be firmly off the hook. (Repeat as often as is necessary.)

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