Dear Eric >> I have two boys ages 8 and 13. In most cases the sibling rivalry is about the same as any other family.

One late evening, I picked them up at the dance studio and we came home. Everyone was tired (especially ME!) and so they decided to hit the sack. Around 10, I thought I heard muffled whimpering and screeching. Thinking I was just dreaming or not fully awake, I fell back to sleep. The noise got louder and woke me up.

I opened up the door to the boys’ room and was shocked and horrified. My younger boy was bound with his hands behind him and duct tape over his mouth.

My older boy was on him with his sweaty soles in his face, tickling the younger boy at the same time, to the point where my younger son had lost control of his bowels. I screamed for him to “Stop!” My older son just kept grinning and continued.

After a shocked minute, I started to yank him off of the younger boy. I told my husband when he got home and was more angered about how dismissive he was. Something to the effect of “boys will be boys.” He said I was “making a mountain out of a molehill.”

I felt guilty when my younger boy asked me why I stood there for a while before stopping that. I’m hoping I’m not a bad parent for going back to sleep when I didn’t think anything was wrong. Am I guilty of being a bad mom? I think my husband needs a wake-up call.

— Mom of Two

Dear Mom >> You’re not a bad mom. You intervened; you stopped a distressingly chaotic scene. (Duct tape? Really?) But you should put in safeguards to keep this kind of thing from happening again.

Boys being boys is used to excuse a wide range of behaviors, from the benign to the unacceptable. It’s not a useful catchall.

Siblings get into skirmishes, but parents should pay close attention that it doesn’t become bullying or abuse, especially as the age/maturity difference between siblings results in a power imbalance.

You and your husband must make sure that both boys know that unwanted touching — and that includes tickling — is not allowed. And restraint? Not only not allowed, but dangerous. Being firm about this with your older son communicates to him that he needs to find healthier outlets for his energy (you can also help with this). Additionally, it communicates to your younger son that he’s safe at home.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com